Love and Marriage Cinderella Style

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

The Cinderella story is a wonderful story. It does, indeed, warm the heart. It certainly inspires. Love is always inspiring! But the truth is, it is an idealized version of falling in love that rarely ever approximates the reality or the truth of what love really means -- of what love might mean for a lifetime.

When young women hear the Cinderella story, they want to believe that their Prince Charming will sweep in with the wind. And for sure, every young man wants to find his Cinderella -- someone to put the glass slipper on. But too many people look for this fairy tale version of love. Unfortunately, idealized love and real love are not always the same.

A dashing young man or a lovely young lady often sweep each other off their respective feet. Many of us have experienced this phenomenon. The spine tingles, the heart races, the face flushes, and the lips tremble. Love has feelings -- and IS a feeling!

And here is the truth -- being IN LOVE is easy, just like the Cinderella story -- but making love last takes hard work. You have to do the "Simple Things" day in and day out, every day of your loving relationship. The "Simple Things Matter"! As we always say, successful love and marriage is an accumulation of doing the simple things.

Here is where Cinderella comes in. Falling in love at the stroke of midnight is easy. Putting on the glass slipper isn't all that hard. But as most of you know, the beginning of love is easy, but the sustaining of love is the difficult part.

When you fall in love, it is important to understand that being in love is the easy part. The rest takes hard work. And because of this, our greatest challenge as folks who have studied successful marriage for 26 years is to convince those falling in love that Cinderella is only the beginning of love, not the end.

The truth is, the Cinderella version of love rarely ever happens. Somewhere along the way, someone forgot to tell those who think they are in love that life isn't always fair, just, and beautiful all the time. Sometimes, the reality of love and the "Cinderella of love" are not the same. Trust us on this!

There is no doubt -- love is grand. Falling in love is amongst the most important things we will ever do in our lifetime. Falling in love and being in love is a wonderful place to be. Make no mistake about that!

But here is where the truth comes in -- to fall in love and be in love is not only the creation of an emotional attachment between two human beings, it is the rational connection between two people who choose to love each other for a lifetime. And that is serious business!

Now, back to our original notion about "Cinderella love." What is the message about all this? It should be clear -- true love is simple. True love is an accumulation of the simple things. True love is, in the end, about committing ourselves to doing those things that make love last for a lifetime.

Blinding ourselves to the true meaning of love -- fooling ourselves into thinking that momentary love is real love -- is to make the mistake that leads to the abrupt ending of so many marriages.

Being truly in love is not a temporary thing! Letting our emotions dictate our immediate actions when it comes to love and marriage is a mistake. True love comes with time. True love is not a Cinderella story; it is a story of commitment and love for a lifetime. True love transcends time. Go be in love. There is nothing like it.

Love well. Simple things matter in love and marriage.