How to Economy-Proof Your Family

by Isabel B. Kirk

Finances and money have for always being the number one cause of relationships failure. Many people say, “he/she was my friend until I lent him/her some money and things were never the same.” It has been proven by the American Psychological Association that during bad economic times, any relationships, mostly marriages suffer. In fact, financial issues continue to rank as one of the top reasons that couples get divorced and family members stop contacting each other. The fact is that money is not the issue, but the way we communicate around it.

During this global economic crisis nobody is immune to the stresses it causes. But let’s try to not ad more pressure with unnecessary situations that isolate us from our loved ones, especially in the moments when we need them the most.

To economic proof your family, keep in mind the following tips:


1) Be honest with yourself and communicate openly: Set time apart to go over your family’s overall financial situation. This should include personal, couple’s, children if there are any, and household expenses. Do not avoid any matters for fear that you might have to decide to cut some expenses. If there is something in particular that really worries you, admit it to yourself and put it on the top of the list of priorities to discuss.

2) Use your negotiation skills and respect other’s priorities. Let’s be honest. Deciding what to cut from the budget can be one of the touchiest issues. Therefore, here is where is important to apply your active listening skills to come out with a win-win situation for everybody. It is crucial that one person does not try to decide alone what is most important or least important for the whole family. This is when resentment and hurt feelings can affect relationships. Many arguments do not begin because of money itself but because one person feels hurt than another didn’t respect or even realize how important this or that was for him/her. Get out of yourself and be sensitive to other’s point of views. Ah… and only expect other members to give up or sacrifice as much as you are willing to.

3) Involve the whole family: Work together while working on your individual goals. Instead of trying to make decisions on your own __maybe because you do not want to worry your partner or your family__ include all members. If you hold the stress by yourself, you will only be more vulnerable and irritable. This usually only ends up causing arguments or blow outs that the rest of the family won’t understand because they didn’t know what was going in the first place.

4) Use your creativity: If certain cut offs in expenses have to be made, instead of looking at them as terrible news, try to present other options that would still accomplish what the final goal. Remember that in life is all about attitude. In many cases leisure budgets get hurt first. May be this is the time to do other things that might have been in the back of your mind for a while. eg. If this year you won’t be able to take the whole family to Disney World, what about suggesting to go on a road camping trip to a new and exciting location? Then leave the board open for other members’ suggestions within the new budget.

5) Be willing to make sacrifices. Remember that these changes are temporary. A lot of people do not want to give up “their lifestyle” but we need to keep in mind that this is not forever is just a temporary adjustment during the crisis. So what about using a different perspective? Instead of thinking that you have to ‘give up’ your lifestyle, you can think of changing or adjusting your life style for a while? It is incredible the power that the words we choose have on our mental wellbeing.

6) Finally and most importantly: Remember what you are thankful for. To not feel pushed down by the current situation it is important to continue to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Come on, no matter how hard it gets, there is always something to be thankful for. Remember that though times are part of life and only that, a part of it. Do not forget the good things that you have in life and, even less, to share them with your loved ones.

*Optional exercise to combine steps 2 and 3: Start for coming up with a number or amount that represents the budget cut goal. Every member of the family needs to write a list of 3 things that are important but not absolutely necessary in their lives and then, rank them from 1 to 3 in level of importance. Next, put the price or cost next to it. The parents might assume the biggest chunk of the responsibility. For example, 70% of the cut and then divide the rest among the number of children. By applying percentages, each member has to come up with the best possible combination in order to achieve their respective goal amounts. It is a great way for the family to work together, get to know each other a little better, and promote involvement in the overall final decision while respecting each individual’s freedom.