How Can You Forgive Abusive Parents?

By Daily Encounter

When we have been hurt—especially by parents—it can be very difficult to forgive them.
However, if we don't forgive them, we end up hurting ourselves even more because our inner resentment eats away at us physically, emotionally and spiritually. As someone has said, "Failing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

So how can you forgive your parents? First, it is impossible to forgive anyone until we first resolve our hurt and our anger. Unresolved, they block forgiveness. However, once they are resolved, the door is open for forgiveness, which becomes a choice.

Second, I would strongly advise that you seek professional counseling to help you resolve your hurt and anger so you will be able to forgive your parents.

Third, forgiving them doesn't mean that you allow them to continue to hurt you, so you need to exercise tough love and establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself. Let them know, lovingly but firmly, that if they continue to treat you in a hurtful manner, you will need to distance yourself from them.

Fourth, realize, too, that people who are being "too nice" aren't really being nice. They are being weak because they are afraid to stand up for themselves. So you need to work on this problem too so that you will be able to establish healthy boundaries. You will probably need counseling to help you in this area too. You can't change your parents, but with the help of capable counseling you can change you, and in so doing this will change your life.