The Soul Mate Spark

By Susie and Otto Collins
When people talk about finding and keeping thepartner that they truly want to spend their liveswith, the discussion invariably gets around tothe topic of "soul mates."We talk about the soul mate spark because that'swhat we think people are really looking for--thatspecial feeling of connection, like you've "comehome," like you never want to part.

While many people do find this in a partner,including us, there are some pitfalls around thewhole soul mate mystique.One of those pitfalls is the belief that soul matesdon't have conflicts and no major issues to workthrough. They have pure bliss all of the time.We wish this were true but it just isn't for mostof us.

This belief is why some people get so upset anddisenchanted when they find that perfect someonewho they think is a soul mate and it turns sour aftera few months or even weeks.It turns out that there are things about their soulmate that drive them crazy. There are conflictsand the specialness just seems to have disappeared.Our take on soul mates is a little different from themystique and it may help you make more sense out of the whole soul mate and relationship thing.
We believe that there are many soul mates out there for different times in our lives and they come into our lives not only to bring us greater joy but to help us with our personal and spiritual growth.A soul mate agrees to walk with you for awhile tolearn and also teach. A soul mate relationshipis a spiritual bond and the challenges that comeup are the soul lessons that you have agreed tolearn together.
Before you think we've gone a little to far "out there" or "woo-woo" with this one. consider this... Regardless of the kind of relationship you're talking about, if the relationship is truly close and connected-- there's a certain spiritual quality to them. Soul mate kind of relationships are no different.
It's been our experience that when two peoplecome together and it feels like a soul mate kind of experience, it can feel like destiny or some sort of divine intervention has been gifted to you or interceded on your behalf. So what's the soul mate spark?It's that spark of desire to draw closer and connectwith a love and passion that keeps growing throughoutthe years.Is it possible?
We know it is because we and others have it--andwe also believe that you can create it.Here are a few ways...
1. Make a soul mate commitment.
Commit the time and the energy to growing your passionand love for each other. Even 10 minutes a day of trueconnection can help rejuvenate a relationship that wasonce close and now seems disconnected.

2. Kindness matters
We have often seen partners in committed relationshipstreat each other with less respect than they do strangers.Take a fresh look at how you treat those closest to youand treat them as the special soul partners that theytruly are--with kindness and respect.

3. Be curious about yourself and your mate.
When you find yourself being triggered by your partner orthe people closest to you, take a moment and get curiousinstead of reacting. It's easier said than done, we know,but just try it.Get curious enough to just listen to find out what's trulygoing on between you. Listen to what's underneath thedisturbance. What want, need or desire is trying to beexpressed for both of you? Listen from your heart.4. Make one small shift.Ask yourself these questions--"What do I want?" "What do I care about right now?" "Do I want to be right or do I want connection?" What actions or words will bring you closer to rather than further from what you want and what you careabout?One small shift, like simply pausing before youemail someone in anger, can make a big impact on your relationship and can make the difference between keeping your spark alive and letting it die over time.We all choose our partners for different reasons andsome we consider our soul mate and some not.If you want to keep, grow or rekindle the spark betweenyou, start doing a few things each day to nurture it.If you aren't currently with any one you consider tobe a soul mate, you might begin practicing as ifhe or she is with you in the form of the peoplewho are in your life right now.