Find out how to handle the hard talks.

How do you communicate unpleasant truths to your spouse? How do you tell him something that will make him squirm? Easy and effortless communication is one of the hallmarks of healthy relationships, but sometimes there are things you need to share with your spouse that are not easy to communicate.

Oprah & Friends Radio host Rabbi Shmuley discusses the three difficult truths that arise in marriage:

• Something your spouse has control over and constitutes bad behavior; for example, you are married to someone who has a bad temper or is cheap.
• Something your spouse has some control over but does not constitute a moral offense, such as being overweight, having bad breath or snoring.
• Something your spouse has no control over and is simply a part of her you find distasteful. For example, she has a birthmark, large feet, small breasts or something else you find unattractive.

Solutions to address these painful truths in marriage:

• For those offenses over which your spouse has control, such as having a bad temper, it's important to set aside time to have a serious conversation and talk with him about his problem. Don't criticize his character, instead criticize his behavior, Rabbi Shmuley says.
• For those offenses over which your spouse has some control, Rabbi Shmuley says to do the exact opposite. Do not have a serious conversation with her, rather it should be a light conversation in a light moment, he says. Let her draw the conclusion to what you are saying instead of you being the accuser.
• For those things over which your spouse has no control, like his big feet, it's important to learn to love them. You can always find an erotic quality in something that you think you don't like, Rabbi Shmuley says.

Originally published on February 28, 2008

From Rabbi Shmuley Boteach's Oprah & Friends XM Radio show "The Unpleasant Truths of Marriage" © 2008 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.