The 12 Things Remember this Valentine's Day or Any Day

by Susie and Otto Collins

1) Don't Forget Kindness and Thoughtfulness
We all get in a rush sometimes and forget to be kind. We just wantto get the things done that we have to get done and move along tothe next thing to be done. Whether you are currently in an intimaterelationship or not--take a moment to be kind to the people in yourlife. Kindness certainly doesn't have to mean "doing" for someone(but it can.) It can mean just giving a smile, sending a kind, loving thought, or simply listening to a story that you may have heardmany times before.

2) Don't Forget Appreciation
So often we find ourselves dwelling on what irritates us about thepeople in our lives and we forget to appreciate the things aboutour relationships that are working. Appreciation only works whenyou want nothing in return. If there are "strings" along with yourappreciation of another person, (like you want appreciation inreturn) it will seem like an empty, needy gesture. Appreciation has to be expressed from your heart and in such a way that isgenuine.

3) Listen Closely to What Your Partner Wants
Whether it's to make plans for a Valentine's day celebration orjust listening to how your partner's day went--leave your egoand your desire to help or "fix it" for him or her at the door andjust listen. We all get into habits that stifle communication--thatshut off a true connection of the heart. To open up and bringmore joy and ease into your relationship, take a moment torealize what you do to assume, to fix or to judge (even thoughyou may not think you are doing those things) and just listen to understand your partner.

4) Listen Closely to What You Want
Listening closely to what you want can be even harder thanlearning to listen to your partner. So many people have learnedalong the way that it's not safe to feel emotions--and theysimply don't know how to listen to what they want. You have topractice listening to the voice inside you so that you can behonest and authentic with the people in your life. You haveto learn who you are and honor that by letting others knowwho the real "you" is.

5) If It's an Intimate Relationship, Don't Forget Time Alone
In our busy lives, we often forget to recharge by spendingsome time alone. Whether it's taking a walk outside byyourself and enjoying nature or it's taking 20 minutes tomeditate or tune in and calm your thoughts--we've foundthat we are much better people and treat each other more lovingly if we take time for ourselves.

6) Don't Forget to Breathe

It may seem kind of silly to remind you to not forget tobreathe, but so many of us actually live in the land ofanxious, shallow breathing. Belly breathing can relaxyou, help you to clear your mind and keep you in thepresent moment. What's that got to do with creatinggreat relationships? When we are relaxed, we listenbetter to others and we don't react quite so quicklyfrom old patterns. We are able to access a freshpoint of view when we breathe that can promotemore understand and closer connections.

7) Don't Forget the "Show"
What's the "show"? The show is what we do toshow the other person that he/she is special inour lives. It can be a greeting card, a present orcreating a special night or weekend away. Itcan be elaborate or it can be simple--whateverthe two of you prefer. The main thing is that you "show" the other person how special they are to you.

8) Don't Forget Discernment
The media likes to use hype and if you buy into whatthe mass media promotes as "the way Valentine's dayshould be," then you might be setting yourself up fordisappointment after the big day comes and goes.Remember, it's not about the money you spend orwhere you bought that special diamond necklace orring. It's about the love that's underneath all of that.

9) Don't Forget to Be Present and Be Real
If you're like most people, you're usually eithermentally thinking about what you have to do orare going to do in the future or thinking aboutwhat happened to you in the past. The presentmoments fly by without you really participatingin them. To be present and real means to befully focusing on what's going on right here andright now. Great relationships are built on thatidea and whether it's Valentine's day or not, it'sa terrific practice to get into.

10) Don't Forget to Think Long-Term Love and Not Just Short-Term "Wow"
Whether it's a dating situation or long-term committedrelationship or marriage, when you are thinking abouta celebration of your love or of your relationship, keepin mind what would create and help foster continuedlong-term love instead of going for the "wow" factor.To know the difference, you have to be in tune withhow you and your partner like to celebrate--andeveryone's different so you have to pay attentionand listen.

11) Don't Forget that You're Never too Young or Too Old for Love
Many people have a fixed age in their minds wherelove is no longer possible. This age might be 40, 50,60, or 80. We're here to tell you that love is possibleat any age. The trick to finding or renewing it is to recognize what ideas and beliefs have held you back or have sabotaged love in the past and change those habits. Anyone can change and at any age. It just takes a willingness and desire to do so and to take a chance on having something wonderful.

12) Don't Forget About Nostalgia
Anyone want to bring out those old records or tapesof the music you used to listen to when you first fellin love? What a special way to celebrate your love and to renew those feelings at the same time. You might go to a restaurant or park that you used to go to or do some activity together that used to make your hearts sing. Even if you are not currently in a relationship, you can resurrect things that used to be fun for you and have a mini-celebration of you.