Five steps to getting over jealousy

by Keith Ablow, M.D., is a psychiatrist and author. His latest book is Living the Truth.

1. If a relationship in your life is in turmoil, consider whether jealousy (the fear of losing the attention or affection of a loved one) or envy (the desire to possess what others have) might be involved.
2. Remind yourself that although they are painful, these are normal human emotions. Having them doesn't mean you're a bad spouse or a bad friend or a bad sibling.
3. Whatever it is you feel you're missing out on, consider whether you'd really want that particular thing in your life. For example, you might envy a friend's wealth but would never actually trade your free time or the pleasure you take in less-lucrative work. Or even though you might wish your own child could gain admission to a prestigious college that accepted your friend's kid, in your heart, you know that school isn't the one that will end up enhancing your child's self-esteem and potential for success.
4. Be aware that circumstances change — for all of us. The acquaintance or sibling who outshines you today may be the one who needs your help or compassion a week, or a month, or a year from now.
5. If you really do want what your friend or sister has, think of one positive step toward attaining it — and take it right away. Register for a course on investment planning or changing careers, give online dating a shot, get plans drawn for a new addition to your house (even if you won't start construction for a year or two).