Resolutions to Keep to Create Successful Relationships

by Carolyn B. Ellis

Relationships can be our greatest joy, or our greatest challenge. Often they are both! With a world going through significant economic restructuring and transition, many people are re-assessing what is truly important to them. After all, will we assess our lives with the question of "How did my stock portfolio do?"? Likely not! The most important questions we ultimately have to answer are "Was I loved?" and "Did I love others?"

When a significant relationship ends, whether through divorce or a parting of the ways, be sure to set yourself up for success before jumping into a new one. Here are 5 resolutions you'll want to keep so you can create loving, connected, and successful relationships in the future.

1. "I will date myself first."

The best indicator of the kind of relationships you'll have with romantic partners is the kind of relationship you have with yourself. Date yourself first and take some time to get your feet back on the ground. Give yourself the kind of love and appreciation you'd like to have in a future partner. Light a candle for dinner, buy yourself some flowers, and tell yourself how gorgeous you look in the morning.

2. "I will identify the qualities I'm looking for in a partner."

From your past relationships that haven't worked, you now probably have a clear picture of the characteristics, behaviors, and attitudes that don't work for you. Write them each down and then ask what you do want. For example, instead of self-centered or unfaithful, you may want to list caring and loyal as qualities you'd like your date to have. Put your focus on the positive qualities and use them as a yardstick to decide who to date or not.

3. "I will keep my ex-partner out of my future relationships."

If you find yourself endlessly talking about your ex, or comparing your new partner to your old, stop and get honest about whether you're really ready to date again. Sharing about past relationships as information is fine. Endlessly psychoanalyzing and complaining is not, plus it's a big turn-off. If you're divorced, why are you allowing this person to consume so much of your time and attention? Find someone like a trusted friend, divorce coach, or therapist to help you work out your unresolved feelings.

4. "I will date people who are emotionally healthy."

Fixer-upper opportunities are great for real estate flips, but not so great as life partners. Make a commitment to date people who are responsible, self-sufficient, and emotionally healthy. Do they have fractured relationships with their family? Do they have addictions of any kind? Creating your life after divorce will take your energy, so don't let it be drained by taking on any make-work relationships.

5. "I will indulge in my passions."

Are there any hobbies or interests you have? Stop putting them off and dive into them instead. Have some fun! A bonus is you might just meet someone there who has similar interests and passions that could be possible dating material.