Everyone Around Me is Cranky - HELP!

by Mary Owens

Everyone around me is cranky~ HELP!

It is understandable that you may feel that everyone is cranky around you. The person in the car next to you cut you off. The school called to tell you your child got in a fight. Your 3 year old is throwing things at you while you are being nice enough to cook them dinner! And to top it off, your husband has just called to tell you he is going to be late because of a new project and by the tone of his voice it sounds like he thinks you had something to do with it. Can't you just get a break? Yes you can, here are a few tips on getting the attitudes to change around you.

First, attitudes are contagious. If you are ever in a room full of people and everyone is smiling you will start to feel like smiling. Same is true about a bad attitude. If you are in a meeting and the boss is angry, you will start to sense the emotion and may get angry yourself. The reason for this is energy. People are naturally receptive to energy. You can feel when someone is happy, sad, or angry just by the energy they are sending out of their bodies. Now this article is about attitudes not energy so let's focus on the attitude part of the energy.

Understanding what is behind the attitude~ Attitudes are based on one's emotions, what they are feeling at any given moment. This is ok for people who have "control" over their emotions but isn't so great with a 3 year old or a teenager who is just living in the moment. Children are very emotional creatures. They are supposed to be. Both toddlers and teenagers are going through a period of time in their lives when they need to explore being an individual. It is a natural stage of life. This stage of life can be very confusing so bear in mind the attitudes will absolutely fluctuate! Some of the feelings they might be experiencing are fear, excitement, awkwardness, frustrated, or tired.

When you are dealing with the attitudes of a loved one or a co-worker, the same understanding is a must. What are they going through at that time in their life? Did they just have a baby? Did their child wreck their car? Are sales low and they are worried about their numbers for the month? If you can understand where they are you will be able to have some patience with them. Understanding will help them relax because it is the energy you are releasing. The trick here is not get sucked in to what they are feeling. Remember, attitudes are contagious.

Next, you must be willing to take responsibility for the situation. WHAT! Yes, you must take responsibility for the situation. You may be saying, "I don't have any responsibility for my 16 year old daughter mouthing off to me!" Yes and no, you can't take responsibility for her mouthing off but step back for a minute. Have you been understanding with her prior to the event? What was your tone with her? Did you order her to do something instead of asking her? Have you spent time with her having fun or just talking about what is going on with her friends? Or let's take a husband calling and having an attitude with you about working late. Let's look at how you have handled previous calls like that. Have you given a disappointing sign or even raised your voice because, darn it you have been with the kids all day and you really needed a break? Really look at your part of the situation before blaming someone. Usually someone's attitude is a reaction to something done prior to the event you are experiencing at that particular moment. If you are familiar with what might have "caused" the attitude, you will become aware of a better way to approach the situation in the future.

This leads to the final area, how you can change the attitude! It is true you can change someone's attitude. How to do this is by changing your attitude! Let's face it, you are tired, scared, frustrated, and all the feeling they are having too. It is understandable that you have emotions and you are entitled to those. It is how you are handling them that will make the difference.

Let's say you have a 6 month old. You have been up at least 4 times last night because of crying and feeding needs. Your husband jumps out of bed and is smiling like he had the best rest of his life. How can that be? You are exhausted, and rightfully so. How you handle your attitude in the next few minutes will guide the day into being a good one or a bad one. If you get angry and sarcastic saying, "glad you got some sleep" in a deadly tone. You better believe you will get a similar response back. If you say instead, "wow, you look amazing and rested". I bet you get a completely different response. Maybe even one of sympathy or concern. Doesn't that feel better than a sarcastic banter you may have gotten into?

The point is, you have control over your behaviors and that will directly impacts the attitude you get in response. Choose wisely my dear friend and know that even if you do choose to have your own bad attitude, you can change it at any given moment. You just have to make that decision!

To wrap it up, remember these steps when dealing with someone's attitude.

1. Understanding~ what emotion is behind the attitude?

2. Patience~ allow the person to move through the emotion without you connecting to the emotion yourself.

3.Take responsibility~ you are a co-creator in this experience, what are you giving to the situation?

4.Change your attitude~ give what you want to receive.

These are simple but not always easy ways to change the attitude that you are experiencing around you. It takes practice to master these. You can always put these 4 key steps on to a 3 x 5 card and carry it around as a reminder if things are really feeling negative. At least it could help you get in a better space!

Until next time~ best always!