The Motivation To Change or Improve Your Relationships

by Susie and Otto Collins
How do you find the motivation to change?What is the secret for making changes in ourrelationships and lives?Why does is usually take something "big" to happen to us get us to shift from where we are to something much better?

The answers to these questions may surprise you because...

After learning to become active participantsand observers in both our own lives and in the lives of our coaching clients and countless others...

What we've learned is that we and almost everyonewe've ever met are slow to change (if we ever do)-- even when it's in our best interest to do so. Most of us wait until it's almost too late before wemake the changes we think or feel we should have made all along.

What we've noticed is that at various times in ourlives, each of us is given an opportunity to"wake up" to all the love and joy that is possible--if we take advantage of it.If you're like most people, that "opportunity"usually comes in the guise of a catastrophein our lives like divorce, a car wreck, cancer(or any other serious illness) or even the death of a loved one.

Although we certainly don't consciously wantthese things to happen or consciously createthem, most of us need something like that to jolt us out of our patterns that keep us stuck inlimiting and self-defeating thoughts andactions.

Take the singer/ songwriter and performer Melissa Etheridge... We saw Melissa in concert the other evening and she is a beautiful example of this idea.Even if you have preconceived ideas about her and what she's all about, there's no arguing thefact that after her bout with cancer, she is a changed woman and is now a radiant example of love and connection who wants to do her part to make the world a better place.

She chose to see her illness as an opportunityto begin living her life as if every moment countsand is precious. She chose to begin cherishingher loved ones and connect more deeply withthose around her--including her audiences.We came away from her concert deeply movedand even more appreciative of the love we havein every moment for each other, our family, friendsand everything we hold dear.

Cancer was what it took for Melissa Etheridge toawaken to more love and joy in her life.But here's what's true...

You don't have to go through cancer, any otherlife-threatening illness or any other catastrophein your life to come into awareness of what'spossible and live it.You can be your own catalyst and begin choosing what's important to you and how you want to haveyour relationships to be and what you want for your life.

Here are some ways and new understandings we think you'll find helpful to begin to awaken without the trauma and drama of the catastrophes in our lives...

1. Know that you are worth it.Know that you are "enough" and that you areworth the love that you want. Most of us haveexperienced and taken to heart criticism thatsays we aren't good enough in some way oranother.When self-defeating thoughts come into yourmind, simply tell yourself that you are goodenough to have love and you deserve to haveit.

2. Live in the present moment.We probably say this every week but it bearsrepeating--and repeating--because most of us(including us) have a hard time doing it!When your body and mind are anchored in thepresent and with the person in front of you,you become aware of the joy, pleasure,excitement or whatever in that moment.If you are constantly in the past or future,you can't possibly experience the happinessfrom what's happening right now.

3. Be on the look out for small expressionsof loveStart noticing expressions of love from othersin your life. So often we're so focused on whatwe don't have, we miss small ways that weare loved and cared for. Don't miss what'sright in front of your nose.
4. Learn to master the "twin forces of pain and pleasure" in your lifeWe recall from many years ago that Tony Robbinssaid that the key to creating or accomplishinganything in your life is being able to master these two forces called pain and pleasure in your life. One thing is for sure... we all have had and will continue to have both pain AND pleasure in our lives. One trick to being happy, successful and creating close connected relationships (or anything else) is to learn to associate more pleasure to the things that will take us toward what we really want and to associate more pain to choices we could make that will take us away from what we really want.

4. Be on the look out for ways to love yourselfand othersAsk yourself these questions--"How can I love myself today?""How can I love others today?"Take time today for one or more expressionsof love for yourself and for others.If you do, the joy and love you receive will beginto show in your very being.You will awaken to who you were truly meantto be.