The 7 Relationship Transforming Words

By Susie and Otto Collins

If you want to know the "7 words"--(it's actually8 words)--then here they are...

"Because this relationship is so important to me..."

Why are these 8 words relationship-transforming?They can transform a situation from two people closing to one another to being open enoughto communicate and understand each other.

When you say them and mean them, a tensesituation can "soften" and you can actuallytalk to one another instead of both defending.

Saying them can help you and your partnerto drop into your hearts so that you cancommunicate from a clear place insideinstead of reacting from old habits.

When they are spoken aloud, from the heart,they are a good way to preface your "truth"and what you want from your relationship rather than complaining with anger orresentment about what you don't want or don't have.We're not saying that anger is always "bad."

There's certainly a lot to be said for not holding it inside. But if all you are doing is reacting with anger to a situation, there'svery little chance that it will ever be resolved.

Here are a few suggestions to helpyou when you're in a tense situationwith someone you care about...

1. When you realize that there issomething you'd like to say butyou know that it will trigger theother person, take a breath andsay the 8 words aloud.

2. Follow them up with what youwant rather than blaming or lashingout at the other person.Blaming shuts the other person down and keeps an argument going. Here's an example..."Because this relationship is soimportant to me, you should stopignoring me when I talk to you."Here's an example of using these 8 words to stay open to understanding each other in thesame type of situation..."Because this relationship is soimportant to me, I would like forus to be together the way wewere when we were firsttogether."

3. Listen to what the otherperson wants even though you may be tempted to close down.Say those 8 words to yourselfif you are struggling to stay opento hearing how he or she feels.

4. Talk about how you feel fromyour heart and not from yourdefended position.When you speak from your heartand the other person values yourrelationship as much as you do,there can't help but be anunderstanding between the twoof you.

The next time you are temptedto shut down to someone who isimportant to you, use these 8 words and see what happens.