The Goose Called Awareness

Fr: Osho.com

“The basic thing to be understood is that you are not the mind — neither the bright one nor the dark one. If you get identified with the beautiful part, then it is impossible to disidentify yourself from the ugly part; they are two sides of the same coin. You can have it whole, or you can throw it away whole, but you cannot divide it.

“The whole anxiety of man is that he wants to choose that which looks beautiful, bright; he wants to choose all the silver linings, leaving the dark cloud behind. But he does not know that silver linings cannot exist without the dark cloud. The dark cloud is the background, absolutely necessary for silver linings to show.

“Choosing is anxiety.

“Choosing is creating trouble for yourself.

“Being choiceless means: the mind is there and it has a dark side and it has a bright side — so what? What has it to do with you? Why should you be worried about it?

“The moment you are not choosing, all worry disappears. A great acceptance arises, that this is how the mind has to be, this is the nature of the mind — and it is not your problem, because you are not the mind. If you were the mind, there would have been no problem at all. Then who would choose and who would think of transcending? And who would try to accept and understand acceptance?

“You are separate, totally separate.

“You are only a witness and nothing else.

“But you are being an observer who gets identified with anything that he finds pleasant — and forgets that the unpleasant is coming just behind it as a shadow. You are not troubled by the pleasant side — you rejoice in it. The trouble comes when the polar opposite asserts — then you are torn apart.

“But you started the whole trouble. Falling from being just a witness, you became identified. The biblical story of the fall is just a fiction. But this is the real fall — the fall from being a witness into getting identified with something and losing your witnessing.

“Just try once in a while: Let the mind be whatever it is. Remember, you are not it. And you are going to have a great surprise. As you are less identified, the mind starts becoming less powerful, because its power comes from your identification; it sucks your blood. But when you start standing aloof and away, the mind starts shrinking.

“The day you are completely unidentified with the mind, even for a single moment, there is the revelation: mind simply dies; it is no longer there. Where it was so full, where it was so continuous — day in, day out, waking, sleeping, it was there — suddenly it is not there. You look all around and it is emptiness, it is nothingness.

“And with the mind disappears the self. Then there is only a certain quality of awareness, with no ‘I’ in it. At the most you can call it something similar to ‘am-ness,’ but not ‘I-ness.’ To be even more exact, it is ‘is-ness’ because even in am-ness some shadow of the ‘I’ is still there. The moment you know its is-ness, it has become universal.

“With the disappearance of the mind disappears the self. And so many things disappear which were so important to you, so troublesome to you. You were trying to solve them and they were becoming more and more complicated; everything was a problem, an anxiety, and there seemed to be no way out.

“I remind you of the story The Goose is Out. It is concerned with the mind and your is-ness.

“The master tells the disciple to meditate on a koan: A small goose is put into a bottle, fed and nourished. The goose goes on becoming bigger and bigger and bigger, and fills the whole bottle. Now it is too big; it cannot come out of the bottle’s mouth — the mouth is too small. And the koan is that you have to bring the goose out without destroying the bottle, without killing the goose.

“Now it is mind-boggling.

“What can you do? The goose is too big; you cannot take it out unless you break the bottle, but that is not allowed. Or you can bring it out by killing it; then you don’t care whether it comes out alive or dead. That is not allowed either. “Day in, day out, the disciple meditates, finds no way, thinks this way and that way — but in fact there is no way. Tired, utterly exhausted, a sudden revelation...suddenly he understands that the master cannot be interested in the bottle and the goose; they must represent something else. The bottle is the mind, you are the goose...and with witnessing, it is possible. Without being in the mind, you can become identified with it so much that you start feeling you are in it!

“He runs to the master to say that the goose is out. And the master says, “You have understood it. Now keep it out. It has never been in.”

“If you go on struggling with the goose and the bottle, there is no way for you to solve it. It is the realization that, “It must represent something else; otherwise the master cannot give it to me. And what can it be?” — because the whole function between the master and the disciple, the whole business is about the mind and awareness.

“Awareness is the goose which is not in the bottle of the mind. But you are believing that it is in it and asking everyone how to get it out. And there are idiots who will help you, with techniques, to get out of it. I call them idiots because they have not understood the thing at all.

“The goose is out, has never been in, so the question of bringing it out does not arise.

“Mind is just a procession of thoughts passing in front of you on the screen of the brain. You are an observer. But you start getting identified with beautiful things — those are bribes. And once you get caught in the beautiful things you are also caught in the ugly things, because mind cannot exist without duality.

“Awareness cannot exist with duality, and mind cannot exist without duality.

“Awareness is non-dual, and mind is dual. So just watch. I don’t teach you any solutions. I teach you the solution: Just get back a little and watch. Create a distance between you and your mind.

“Whether it is good, beautiful, delicious, something that you would like to enjoy closely, or it is ugly — remain as far away as possible. Look at it just the way you look at a film....

“Identification is the root cause of your misery. And every identification is identification with the mind.

“Just step aside, let the mind pass.

“And soon you will be able to see that there is no problem at all — the goose is out. You don’t have to break the bottle, you don’t have to kill the goose either.”

The "Rubber Band" theory in relationships-- Is it real?

By Susie and Otto Collins


IMPORTANT: If you've ever felt like you couldn't say what
you thought or how you felt to your partner or spouse out
of fear for what they might say, do or how they'd react...

Then download a copy of "stop Talking On Eggshells"--

This is a program we created to show you how to say anything
to your partner, spouse or lover without fear of what
they'll say, what they'll think or how they'll react.

Download "Stop Talking On Eggshells" now from THIS
web page

If there's one dynamic that's a sticky issue between two people
who decide to be a couple, it's this...

One person feels the need to "retreat" every now and then
and the other person feels unloved and abandoned when
it happens.

Pretty simple to describe but not simple to deal with!

One of our long time subscribers to our newsletters wrote
to ask if we support the "rubber band" theory in relationships
in relationship breakthrough coaching practice.

We hope we're talking about the same thing because
as we think about it, the first time we heard about the
"rubber-band" theory was when we originally read
John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are
from Venus."

While we know that many people get a lot of benefit
from John Gray's gender difference information, we
think the issue is much broader and deeper than
just being about a differences between men and
women.

We have seen this dynamic too many times in both
genders to assign one set of behaviors to one and
another set to another.

In the past, we've called this dynamic the
"relationship push-pull."

Here's a description of what we've seen...

One person (either gender) pulls away for whatever
reason and the other person pushes in some form
or another because he or she feels a loss of love
and connection.

Why do some people feel the need to pull away at
times?

--Overwhelm --the need to feel "in control" when
emotions get out of control.

--Habit--the way you learned to "resource"
yourself or make yourself feel better--maybe
from watching someone in your family do it
that way.

--Protection--you may feel threatened in some
way and feel the need to withdraw and protect
yourself.


So why do some people "push" when the partner
pulls away (even though they may not think they
are pushing)?

--Fear--you feel abandoned and fear that your
love will be taken away from you.

--Habit--you learned to "push" when you weren't
getting what you wanted.

--Protection--you learned to protect yourself
from losing what you have by reacting and pushing.


We could go on and on but the point is that we
are all different and react differently to situations
and to the triggers in our lives.

What can you do about it if you're in this kind of
dynamic?

The woman sent us the question told us that she
and her boyfriend were working through it. He is
beginning to recognize when he pulls away and
is also trying to reassure her that he will be back.

She has shared with him how his pulling away
makes her feel and she "allows him to pull away"
but maybe "not at the level he thinks it should be."

We think the two of them are taking solid steps
toward understanding one another, allowing each
other to be who they are, and keeping their connection--
even when it's tough.

Here are some more suggestions...

1. Notice your patterns and when you either withdraw
and pull away or feel abandoned and either push
against or withdraw.

Don't label it "right or wrong." Just notice what
happens.

2. Go inside.

When you notice you are doing whatever it is you
are doing to separate from each other, instead
of trying to figure it out in your head, take your
attention to the feeling.

From the feeling, you may get a sense of what
you need.

For instance, if you withdraw, you may get a
strong sense that you feel out of control or
fearful for some reason and you need to be
alone for awhile--and it may or may not have
anything to do with your partner.

Or you may feel suffocated and it comes
down to a fear of commitment and a fear of
opening deeply to another.

If you feel abandoned, feel what you need--
maybe it's reassurance and maybe it's just
to learn to resource yourself in some way.

3. Keep the lines of communication open.

Like our newsletter subscriber, allow yourself
to open to listening and understanding how the
other person thinks and feels.

Even if you've been in a relationship with each
other for many years, there is still much to learn
if you truly listen.

Have the courage to say what you need--not
from blame but from your heart.

Buddha Said No!!!

Buddha Said NO!!

I asked Buddha to take away my 'bad' habits.


Buddha said, No.


It is not for me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked Buddha to make my handicapped whole.
Buddha said, No.
Your spirit is whole, and your body is only temporary.

I asked Buddha to grant me Patience.

Buddha said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked buddha to give me Happiness.

Buddha said, No.

I give you blessings;
Happiness is up to you.

I asked buddha to spare me Pain.

Buddha said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to enlightenment.



I asked Buddha to make my spirit grow.
Buddha said, No.

You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked Buddha for all things
that I might enjoy life.

Buddha said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

Developing emotional intelligence through five key skills:

by helpguide.org

Raising your emotional intelligence by engaging your emotions

When you become overwhelmed by stress, the emotional parts of your brain override the rational parts—hijacking your best-laid plans, intentions, and strategies. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to take advantage of the powerful emotional parts of the brain that remain active and accessible even in times of stress. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to learn the skills on a deeper, emotional level—experiencing and practicing them in your everyday life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 1: Rapidly reduce stress

When we’re under high levels of stress, rational thinking and decision making go out the window. Runaway stress overwhelms the mind and body, getting in the way of our ability to accurately “read” a situation, hear what someone else is saying, be aware of our own feelings and needs, and communicate clearly.
The first key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to quickly calm yourself down when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Being able to manage stress in the moment is the key to resilience. This emotional intelligence skill helps you stay balanced, focused, and in control–no matter what challenges you face.

Stress busting: functioning well in the heat of the moment

Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:

• Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. Many of us spend so much time in an unbalanced state that we’ve forgotten what it feels like to be calm and relaxed.
• Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. Do you tend to space out and get depressed? Become angry and agitated? Freeze with anxiety? The best way to quickly calm yourself depends on your specific stress response.
• Discover the stress busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is through the senses: through sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

To learn more, see How to Manage Stress: Tips to Quickly Relieve Stress in the Moment

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 2: Connect to your emotions

The second key skill of emotional intelligence is having a moment-to-moment awareness of your emotions and how they influence your thoughts and actions. Emotional awareness is the key to understanding yourself and others.

Many people are disconnected from their emotions–especially strong core emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy. But although we can distort, deny, or numb our feelings, we can’t eliminate them. They’re still there, whether we’re aware of them or not. Unfortunately, without emotional awareness, we are unable to fully understand our own motivations and needs, or to communicate effectively with others.

What kind of a relationship do you have with your emotions?

• Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
• Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach or chest?
• Do you experience discrete feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
• Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
• Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, your emotions may be turned down or turned off. In order to be emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent, you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them.

To learn more, see Emotional Awareness: Managing and Dealing with Emotions and Feelings

Emotional intelligence skill (EQ) 3: Nonverbal communication

Being a good communicator requires more than just verbal skills. Oftentimes, what we say is less important than how we say it or the other nonverbal signals we send out. In order to hold the attention of others and build connection and trust, we need to be aware of and in control of our nonverbal cues. We also need to be able to accurately read and respond to the nonverbal cues that other people send us.

Nonverbal communication is the third skill of emotional intelligence. This wordless form of communication is emotionally driven. It asks the questions: “Are you listening?” and “Do you understand and care?” Answers to these questions are expressed in the way we listen, look, move, and react. Our nonverbal messages will produce a sense of interest, trust, excitement, and desire for connection–or they will generate fear, confusion, distrust, and disinterest.

Part of improving nonverbal communication involves paying attention to:

• Eye contact
• Facial expression
• Tone of voice

• Posture and gesture
• Touch
• Timing and pace

To learn more, see Nonverbal Communication Skills: The Power of Nonverbal Communication and Body Language.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 4: Use humor and play to deal with challenges

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life’s difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep things in perspective. A good hearty laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and brings our nervous system back into balance.

The ability to deal with challenges using humor and play is the fourth skill of emotional intelligence. Playful communication broadens our emotional intelligence and helps us:

• Take hardships in stride. By allowing us to view our frustrations and disappointments from new perspectives, laughter and play enable us to survive annoyances, hard times, and setbacks.
• Smooth over differences. Using gentle humor often helps us say things that might be otherwise difficult to express without creating a flap.
• Simultaneously relax and energize ourselves. Playful communication relieves fatigue and relaxes our bodies, which allows us to recharge and accomplish more.
• Become more creative. When we loosen up, we free ourselves of rigid ways of thinking and being, allowing us to get creative and see things in new ways.

To learn more, see Playful Communication Skills: The Power of Laughter, Humor, and Play

Emotional intelligence (EQ) skill 5: Resolve conflict positively

Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people can’t possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn’t be a bad thing! Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn’t perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

The ability to manage conflicts in a positive, trust-building way is the fifth key skill of emotional intelligence. Successfully resolving differences is supported by the previous four skills of emotional intelligence. Once you know how to manage stress, stay emotionally present and aware, communicate nonverbally, and use humor and play, you’ll be better equipped to handle emotionally-charged situations and catch and defuse many issues before they escalate.

Tips for resolving conflict in a trust-building way:

• Stay focused in the present. When we are not holding on to old hurts and resentments, we can recognize the reality of a current situation and view it as a new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.
• Choose your arguments. Arguments take time and energy, especially if you want to resolve them in a positive way. Consider what is worth arguing about and what is not.
• Forgive. If you continue to be hurt or mistreated, protect yourself. But someone else’s hurtful behavior is in the past, remember that conflict resolution involves giving up the urge to punish.
• End conflicts that can't be resolved. It takes two people to keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.

What is emotional intelligence?

by helpguide.org

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage your emotions in positive and constructive ways. It's about recognizing your own emotional state and the emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also about engaging with others in ways that draw people to you.

• Self-awareness — The ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior; know your strengths and weaknesses; and have self-confidence.
• Self-management — The ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors; manage your emotions in healthy ways; take initiative; follow through on commitments; and adapt to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness — The ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people; pick up on emotional cues; feel comfortable socially; and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
• Relationship management — The ability to develop and maintain good relationships; communicate clearly; inspire and influence others; work well in a team; and manage conflict.

Managing Your Emotions

By Julie Fuimano, Personal & Career Coach

Every day it happens. You experience emotions. We all do. But how good are you at managing them? How do you deal with anger, hurt, disappointment, frustration and fear? What about joy? How often have you experienced joy, and do you know how to enjoy it when it arises?

Like everyone else, you probably learned about emotions from watching others, like your parents. How well did they express their emotions? It's not like someone takes you aside in high school and teaches you how to recognize and manage all of the different emotions you experience in life. Each of us has to fumble along and figure out what works for us.

Until the last 15 years, that is. There is now a whole field of study dedicated to emotions called Emotional Intelligence or EI. EI is defined as the capacity to effectively perceive, express, understand, and handle your emotions and the emotions of others in a positive and productive manner. EI is about connecting with others and with yourself on an emotional level. People who possess a high EI are more successful in relationships and are usually viewed as more effective leaders.

Self-awareness

The first step in managing your emotions is to recognize that you are experiencing one. You have to be self-aware. Most people are not. They act out of habit. Someone experiences an emotion and there is an automatic response that occurs without even being consciously aware. So before you know it, you are doing it again. You've raised your voice or shrunk away and said nothing because you could not find the words. Saying nothing is just as bad as screaming. When you say nothing, you do not honor yourself or the message your Inner Self is trying to communicate.

It's easy to see why there is so much emphasis on conflict in the workplace. People disagree and tempers fly. And if you are not skilled at managing your own emotions, it's even harder to handle it when others are emotional in your presence.

Dealing with Emotions in the Workplace

While you have no control of what other people do, you always control you and your response. You are responsible for your emotions and your behavior. Here are several things to know when dealing with emotions in the workplace:

1) Emotions are inner messages. They bring your attention to something. The next time you experience an emotion, just notice. Identify what emotion it is that you are experiencing. Pause before you respond. This is the way to gain control over your emotions rather than allowing them to control you.

2) Acknowledge the emotion you are experiencing. We are so dependent upon our brains and our deductive reasoning ability, but the body is also a source of intelligence IF we learn how to listen to it.

3) You cannot think and feel at the same time. We've all tried to rationalize while we were angry or sad and it doesn't work. So don't even try. Separate the emotion from logic. If you are upset or emotional and you cannot think clearly, take a time-out to experience the emotion. If you can think clearly, then handle the situation at hand and process the emotion later. Don't repress the emotion; you need to know understand what is behind your emotional response.

4) Don't try to problem-solve, rationalize or communicate with someone else's emotions either. If the other person becomes emotional, acknowledge the emotion. "You seem upset. Do you want to talk about that?" The emotion is a distraction and requires attention. Often people don't even realize that they are wearing their emotion on their sleeves. They are not aware of what they do and how their behavior is affecting their ability to communicate.

5) You don't have to tolerate other people's bad behavior. Ask for what you want. You need to teach people how you want to be treated. This is best done in the form of direct requests. "Please lower your voice." Or "It's not acceptable to speak to me in that way." This is known as having personal boundaries and it's a way of letting people know what you are willing to tolerate in your presence. If you don't tell them, they will continue to treat you in whatever way they like. You need to speak your truth.

Conflict Resolution

People often experience emotions in times of conflict, both internal conflicts as well as conflicts with others. Understanding the sources of conflict can be helpful in transcending it.

1) Conflict occurs when people take things personally, when they are attached to the outcome being the way they want it to be and no other, or when they make assumptions about the knowledge you have in your head and what they have in theirs.

2) Seek to understand what the other person is trying to say. This means you need to be simply curious. Ask questions. When you are genuinely interested in what they have to communicate, they will feel that you are interested in them. If you repeat back what they have shared to be certain you understand what they are saying, they will feel heard.

3) People are limited by their use of language and their ability to express themselves clearly. People also do not give proper consideration to what they want to convey before they speak. They don't always speak with purpose or intention; they just want to get their feelings or thoughts off their chest. After listening and reflecting back what's been shared, ask them if they need something from you. They may not. Being heard may be enough.

4) You can only control you so make sure that you do not take it personally when someone else becomes emotional. It is not about you; it's about them.

5) And do not be attached to the outcome. In other words, listen to them, do what you can to express yourself and then let it go. Sometimes people will get it and sometimes they won't. You can only do what you can to help them to understand your position. Then you have to let it go.

The steps I've outlined in this article are not easy. They sound simple, but they take practice and discipline. Mary is a client who was frustrated by her boss's demeaning and intimidating behavior. Through our work she is able to see how, while she cannot change him, she can control how she responds to him. His continued treatment of her in this way sends the message that she is not being clear enough with him about how she expects to be treated.

She is not a victim unless she chooses to be and this is a great opportunity for learning how to be more direct in her communications. Her feelings of frustration are about her, not him, and bring her attention to what she is doing (or not doing) to allow him to continue his inappropriate behavior. Speaking up may not ensure a change in his behavior; however, it is what she needs to do to honor herself.

Mary might be thinking, "He should know better." And maybe he should but the fact is he doesn't. Or maybe he does know better but he doesn't practice it. This is how he acts. She needs to respond to reality rather than indulging her emotions or wishing he would be different.

You can become more comfortable at handling emotions as you learn a process of self-mastery that allows you to experience your emotions and honor what they are trying to teach you. When you can be calm in the midst of chaos, you are succeeding in managing your emotions. The more you practice, the more comfortable you become with not only your own emotions, but with other's emotions as well.

The essence of the interview

From Perfect Job

THE ESSENCE OF THE INTERVIEW For many job seekers, skydiving might be preferable to interviewing. But there are a few simple steps that will remove the fear and give you the confidence you'd otherwise wished you had. It will also help to erase the tendency of job seekers to be a chameleon, meaning, whatever the company wants, they can do it, they like it, they want it. Not as appealing to an interviewer as you might think. Common sense says you need to research the company via their website, brochures or the library, although you'd be surprised at how many job seekers skip the obvious. Basics also include bringing a few extra copies of your resume to hand out if necessary, arriving early, dressing professionally, and knowing what you have to offer the company. But those are no-brainers, or they should be. What even experienced interviewers often fail to do is ask, in detail, about the position. So get away from the job description and dig into the actuality of that job in that company, as it stands right now. Find out why the position is open and how long it's been vacant. Ask also how long the previous person was there. If that person was there less than two years, find out how long the previous person was there. If both are short, chances are you won't be there long either. You want to know what the first priority to be addressed is, if there's a time frame for accomplishing it, and if so, what it is. Is it a realistic one? And overall, in what condition is the job you’ll be picking up? Is it maintenance? Troubleshooting and clean up? Smooth, accelerated growth? How do the answers sit with you? When you're in the middle of the interview, you don't have time to think about that in detail. For now, notice if your stomach does a funny flip or if you feel a sense of uneasiness. That's a sign you need to chase down some additional information or obtain some clarification on the topic at hand. In any case, listen to what you're learning and ask questions instead of just eagerly answering questions. The toughest thing about interviewing is that you need to find out about the position and sell yourself as the one for the job – concurrently. Process the information later when the interview is over. It's easier to close the door than open it when it's too late. In the meantime, to stay in control of your career, if what you're hearing is agreeable to you, then show enthusiasm and throw the stiff formality out the window. Interviews should be dialogues, not question and answer sessions. You can't change the subject, but you can ask a question about the topic that's on the table. This gives you additional insight into the position and what they're looking for. It also helps you to know what part of your background you should be talking about, leaving you less likely to ramble on, hoping something will be impressive. You can also ask for clarification if something sounds a little...off. But pay attention to your tone of voice and your body language. A furrowed brow, a puzzled tone, and a curled lip are much more off putting than an interested tone, a smile, and a relaxed open manner. The latter shows genuine interest in the details. The former can sometimes be construed as the mark of a difficult person. Pretend you're interviewing with a friend's company, and the interview is just a formality. How would you be sitting? Sounding? What would your word choices be? Because self confidence has a completely different look and feel to it, and companies don't want to hire desperate people. They want to be specifically chosen for who they are and what they offer. Just like you do.

The Foundation of Personal Accountability: Telling the Truth About Yourself

By Dr. Lisabeth Saunders Medlock

In my experience working with clients in coaching, many want to jump quickly into setting goals and making a plan. But, they loose focus quickly, get sidetracked easily, or can't remember the goals they set or why they were important. I believe this happens because there is foundational work that needs to happen before successful goal setting can occur. And there can't be personal accountability until some goals are set.

In my thirteen years of working with organizations in strategic planning I used a process based on five key questions. The first two questions asked and processed were "who are we" and "where are we now". These same questions need to be addressed in the path to personal accountability. Answering the questions of "who am I" and "where am I now" leads to self exploration and truth telling. And telling the truth allows us to shed our old skin to be ready to recreate ourselves and our futures through setting goals and being accountable for them.

5 Ways to Tell the Truth about Ourselves
Telling your truth is scary. Many people are willing to go miles out of their way to avoid the truth. That way we avoid the pain that comes with telling the truth. Although denial can work in the short term to make things look all right, in the long term, denial keeps us from the possibility of change--it keeps us stuck in our problems, saps our energy and can leave us exhausted. Denial is a struggle and a struggle implies resistance. And the more we resist something, the more it usually fights back. What we resist persists. It takes courage to dig deep and allow ourselves to open up to the truth. And while telling the truth might hurt, it is also the first step in getting past the hurt. It opens the door to methods we can use to make effective, enduring changes to improve the quality of our lives.

1) Stop shaming and blaming.
Most people see self-evaluation as a negative process, but there is an alternative. We can learn to see shame or blame as excess baggage and just set them aside. We could acknowledge and even regret our mistakes and shortcomings while accepting ourselves completely. We can begin working with our list of weaknesses by celebrating them. The more successful people are, the more likely they are to be open to looking at their flaws. We can love and accept ourselves and still work really hard to change ourselves.

2) Forgive yourself.
One powerful way to move from shame to acceptance is to forgive ourselves. Before practicing new skills and new ways of being, it's wise to clean house. We don't need to beat ourselves up before we re-invent ourselves. We can be totally honest with ourselves and, at the same time, be gentle. While admitting our mistakes, we can treat ourselves with care. After all, everyone makes mistakes.

3) Let go of the past, but learn from it.
We can focus on what we have learned from our past, without getting caught up in repeating our mistakes. We can discover a way to move forward without feeling rotten about the past. We can change the way things are without having to be upset about the way things have been. The past is over. There is nothing you can do to change the past. It is also important for us to let go of who we were or what we did in the past if that is not what we strive to be in the future. This means we have to believe we can change--we can engage in new ways of being and doing. The past is useful in showing us things we do not want to repeat and in exploring lessons we have learned that can be helpful in creating change in the future.

4) Face your fears.
We all have them and they are responsible for holding us back. To identify our fears we need to pay attention and become an observer of ourselves. We should be paying attention to what we fixate on and what we ignore, how we make judgments about situations and how we interpret other's behavior, and the internal dialogue that is going on when the fear strikes. We need to get to know our mindset- especially patterns like learned pessimism or helplessness and other limiting or negative self statements. Mindset is based on our core beliefs. When we say we are afraid, underneath is a belief we have about ourselves- I am not skilled enough, good enough. etc., or a belief about the world--there is too much competition, people won't like what I have to offer, etc. When we can let go of fear we can release ourselves in powerful ways.

5) See the connection between strengths and limitations.
Most people place strengths and weaknesses in separate, unrelated categories. Another way to perceive them is as being closely related. Often the things about ourselves that we label as weaknesses are simply examples of taking our strengths too far. A person with a passion for organization can become obsessed with details and lose sight of overall goals. A person who listens well may forget to speak about his own thoughts and feelings. These are just a few examples. The point is to remember that our assets and liabilities may all be part of the same personal account.

Telling the truth about ourselves is not an easy process, but it is essential. Without it, change can not occur, goals can not be articulated and reached and we can not truly be free to believe that anything is possible and our lives can be amazing.

The Law of Cause and Effect

Fr: http://www.personal-development-coach.net

The law of cause and effect teaches that for every action there is an equal reaction.

You can use this law to your benefit if you understand what actions produce positive results.

By having such knowledge you will only cause positive effects in your life.

When people complain that their life is unhappy, this is because they caused such life. The cause was their negative state of mind.

There are broad and small causes to every effect. Everything starts with your mind therefore you can say that every effect was partially or completely caused by your state of mind.

For every specific effect there is a specific cause. For example, if your business is not profitable, it means that you did not provide enough value. You are paid equally for the value you create. If you hold something back and do not give everything you can, some profits will be held back from you too.

Some people want to be successful but they refuse to give everything they can to succeed. They refuse to get into good habits, learn new skills and create value. That is surely not going to bring them success.

You cannot get anything for free, everything comes with price.

If you think you are doing everything right but you still don't see positive effects, it could be because you are outgrowing your past mistakes.

Maybe in the past you were negative and now you are still suffering negative effects that you caused. With time those negative effects will disappear and you will be left only with good effects.

The law of cause and effect also explains that you should never do something to others that you do not want to experience yourself. Because if you treat others unfairly, others will treat you exactly the same way. “What goes around, comes around.”

It is easy to tell which causes will bring good results, and which will bring negative ones. Every good cause will produce positive results. If you put all your heart into your work, you will be paid abundantly for that. If you try to find shortcuts or produce poor results because of your attitude, then you will be poorly paid.

Some people misunderstand the law of cause and effect and cannot realise why they are not successful although they work hard. This is because working hard does not produce any value. It only drains your energy and makes you struggle. That, in turn, produces poor results.

Working hard is the worst way to work. You should enjoy your work and put your heart into it, produce value with love. This is exactly opposite to the hard work and struggle. The more enjoyment, energy and heart you will put into your work, the more successful you will become.

That is why pursuing passion is the best way to live. You will effortlessly create value if you are doing what you love.

Also, if you want to be very successful, you should try to cause positive effects that many people will benefit from. The more people you can benefit from what you create, the more successful you will become.

You will notice that whenever you create something “to the highest good for all”, the less obstacles you will experience. It will be as though you are completely in the flow and everyone is there to help you.

The law of cause and effect is especially clearly seen in money matters. Whenever you spend your money with the scarcity in mind, you will receive money slower or no money at all. Whenever you spend money with faith that more is coming in, the quicker you will receive even more than you spent.

If you donate money with the hope that your donation will improve someone's life, you will be returned much more than you have donated.

If someone is treating you unfairly, but you always respond fairly, you will only be rewarded. Maybe not instantly, but later on something will happen in your life that will compensate you for your fairness.

Whereas the person that wronged you will be wronged at some point too. The law of cause and effect makes no exceptions.

Whenever you are about to take some action, try to quickly assess if that action will bring positive or negative effect to your life.

Therefore if you are about to undertake some project, but you feel lazy, you can ask yourself if, working in such state of mind, will produce positive results. This will save you from poor performance.

The more positive actions you take, the more successful your will become. It is better to take less actions, but to make every single action perfect.

If you take many mediocre actions it will result in poor results and no success. The law of cause and effect never fails.

Conclusion

The law of cause and effect can change your life dramatically only if you understand the effects your actions will bring. It is easy to understand which causes will produce good results because every positive cause will always bring positive effect.

You should not worry if you still get negative results although you take only positive actions. These are only consequences of your past mistakes. You will gradually eliminate such causes and only positive results will be evident in your life.

Law of cause and effect

From: Universe of Success

The law of cause and effect is best described as the law of life. It is the law by which all the other universal laws are based upon. Understanding that everything in the universe is energy and therefore everything is connected. Then we can see how through this interconnectedness, what happens to one thing must effect another thing. The old saying “what you give is what you get” is entirely true of life and directly describes the law of cause and effect.

In the entire universe, nothing exists independently. Everything has been created by something else and nothing is permanent. As previously mentioned, everything is made of energy and energy is constantly moving and changing from one form to another. This same principle directly relates to life. No matter how much you might want something to stay the same, it never does, everything is forever changing.

The law of cause and effect is commonly known throughout science. For every action there is a reaction or similarly, for every cause there is an effect and from every effect there must have been a cause. This law is an inescapable truth and until you learn and accept it you will be like the cat chasing its tail.

Often people are living their lives reacting to one event after the next. They presume life is just a random series of circumstances and that they must deal with what life throws at them from moment to moment. They are unaware that they are directly responsible for each and every event that appears in their lives. Due to the law of cause and effect they have in fact created the circumstances that have arrived in their reality from their own thoughts, words and actions. These thoughts, words and actions on the part of the individual are the cause and the resultant outcome at some later date is the direct effect from the initial cause. To follow the chain of events from a particular cause through to its effect would be virtually impossible as a complex series of actions takes place from the initial cause and the universe ultimately brings to us the end effect from that cause.

Karma is a common word used to describe the law of cause and effect. People often associate good actions with good karma and believe if we do the right thing by people then good things will come back to us and this is absolutely correct. There is no specific time in which our good deeds will be repaid to us but at some stage we will be rewarded. The same thing goes for any bad things we do. We will accrue bad karma if we do wrongly by others and our bad deeds will come back on us.

The law of cause and effect applies to everything and everyone in the universe. Although we cannot live outside the law, we can learn to live within the law and learn to use it to our advantage. We have all been gifted with the willpower to choose our thoughts, words and make decisions on our own actions. With positive thoughts, words and actions we draw positive people and events into our lives. We each know intuitively whether our actions will benefit or hinder others and as we learn to incorporate this law into our life we see the positive effects begin to appear in our lives as we do and say the right things by other people and our environment.

Learn to live in faith and know that due to the law of cause and effect, just like the law of attraction, if we live with thoughts of fear this is exactly what will come back to us. However, if we can change our thoughts to love and prosperity, this is the effect that will appear in our life. Just as we trust in the unfailing law of gravity, trust in the law of cause and effect and you will work wonders in your life.

Why Do You Have Such an Attitude Problem?

By Louise Manning

Conflict can occur at many levels within an organisation, team or between two individuals. How does conflict initially arise? Normally, conflict occurs because there is a divergence in views or opinions on what has happened, the facts, where you are going, the aims, goals and aspirations, how you get there, what methods and measures you take to complete a course of action and ethics i.e. the values or boundaries that exist for your or the group’s behaviour i.e. what is acceptable or unacceptable practice. In many situations conflict occurs as a result of subconscious behaviour and often the individuals concerned are unaware of how they actually reached the point where they are at loggerheads with others. Often we assume that it must be the other person who has the problem and that we don’t do anything ourselves to cause the conflict. However, before you accuse another person of having the attitude problem ask yourself if any of these apply to you – do you:

Always believe that you are right and only your opinion matters;

Tough it out and refuse to give way on any issue;

Threaten others in order to get your own way;

Instantly react in a situation, never count to ten first before responding;

Talk in a sarcastic or cynical way to others;

Undermine others so that their position is weakened;

Don’t hold anything back, say anything that comes into your head;

Explode in anger when you think that others let you down.

OR

Praise the positive, before discussing the negative in any situation;

Resist the need to use anger when you feel you are losing control;

Orchestrate how you argue a point so that it appears to be a win-win result for everyone;

Base your approach to others on how you wish to be treated yourself – with respect;

Listen to others and then explain clearly and calmly why you disagree with them;

Empathise with others and understand why their approach is different to yours and determine how you are going to reach consensus;

Manage communication effectively.

So next time you are heading for conflict ask yourself who is it that has the problem?