Getting Over Emotional Abuse

Every other day, we read news about individuals being abused by their parents, teachers, partners, friends and the like. Usually, when we talk about abuse, it refers to physical abuse, sexual abuse or financial abuse. Only few people have realized that there is yet another form of abuse, known as emotional abuse. Emotional abuse basically comprises of using filthy language, swearing, saying hurtful words, lying, accusing other person for own faults, criticizing all the time, dominating, not acknowledging other person’s emotions, etc.
The worst part of such kind of abuse is that the person who is undergoing it wouldn’t even realize he is being abused. However, he will start developing behavioral problems like remaining aloof, experiencing low self esteem, losing confidence in himself and even becoming prone to depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Those who are emotionally abused often carry the burden with them throughout their life. The point to be noted is that getting over emotional abuse is not impossible. You just need to identify the problem and work over it.

Healing Emotional Abuse

· First and foremost step towards getting over emotional abuse comprises of accepting the fact that you are being abused. Taking the abusive behavior of the other person as normal will get you nowhere.
· The next step comes in knowing that you are not responsible for the abusive behavior of a person. Please, please, please, stop feeling guilty. You have done nothing wrong.
· Remember that along with other relationships, you have a relationship with yourself too. Often this relationship gets distorted when you get abused. So, you have to build it again.
· Try to forget the past. What has happened; has happened. You have no control over it and you can never change it. Accept the fact that there was a bad phase in your life and try to get over it.
· Never ever let the demons of the past creep up in your future too. Remember, no two people in this world are alike. If you went through one bad experience, it doesn’t mean that good people have ceased to exist.
· Always remember that only you have the power and the right to control your mind, your thinking, your emotions as well as your behavior. You will never ever let someone destroy your life.
· Emotional abuse often leads us to mistrust every situation and every person. Relax, it’s normal. However, you have to learn to your inner voice. It will always guide you to the right direction.
· Be confident of yourself and your abilities. The person who abused you was not competent enough to realize your true worth. However, you know how precious you are. Just keep this in mind.
· Love yourself. We can never ever heal our wounds, if we always end up finding faults in ourselves only. Love yourself for what are you. I know that you are not perfect, but then, nobody is. So, learn to accept yourself.
I know it is not too easy to get over emotional abuse. Remember that ‘Impossible’ itself says ‘Im possible’. So, there is nothing in this world that is unattainable. Just be patient, love yourself, trust others and let bygones be bygones. And, keep smiling!

Source: iloveindia.com

What To Do If You Have a Toxic Boss

Have you ever had a boss who was so bad that the situation was harmful to you both mentally and physically?
In one of my early jobs, a project manager who was my superior but not my direct manager, apparently saw his role as merely to criticize everything I did, in front of my colleagues. He was not mean-spirited. He just didn’t know any better. I don’t think he took any training to become a good leader or manager. For about four years, I don’t recall him ever giving me a compliment. I used to dread seeing him coming to my desk, because I knew I was going to hear a criticism from him for something or another. It started to affect me physically. My left eye started to feel physical pain and my eyelid experienced uncontrollable spasms from time to time.

I decided to look for another job and did leave before acquiring a permanent handicap. I was not able to discuss my feelings with my boss or anyone else. I didn’t know it at the time, but now I know that at the time I have a low emotional intelligence, which includes a healthy competency of self management and the management of relationships. Fortunately, EQ is learnable and increasable, and I was able to significantly boost my EQ over time through a combination of learning, higher awareness, and experience.

What should you do if you have a boss who is toxic?

Most likely, this boss has a low emotional intelligence. He or she might be very bright and technically competent. But this does not necessarily mean a healthy level of emotional intelligence. The key aspects of emotional intelligence include self awareness, social awareness, social relationship management, optimism, and the ability to empathize with others. A toxic boss is likely to be lacking in some or all of these attributes. Because of a lack of self awareness, the toxic boss does not realize his own deficiency, nor does he recognize his effect on others. He also lacks the ability to put himself in the other’s shoes.

If you have a toxic boss, consider the following possibilities:

• Discuss with your boss how his behavior affects you. Make sure to express that the reason you are taking the risk of being open is your strong desire to have a positive relationship with your boss and to do a good job.
• Be specific as to what exactly cause you pain in your relationship. Refer to exact behavior (you don’t give me encouraging feedback) or exact words.
• Give your boss examples of the kind of behavior or communication that will help you.
  If these don’t yield results, talk in confidence to someone in the Human Resources or Training department. Don’t put it as a complaint against your boss. Put it in the form of your asking for advice as to how to win your boss over.
• See if there are certain workshops you, or your boss, or both of you, can take to improve the working relationship.
• Give your boss a book on emotional intelligence, or leadership, or communication and feedback – whatever the area of need is - as a gift. Say that you liked the book and found it to be helpful personally and thought that it offers new insights to human performance.
• If all these fail, look for another job before the situation causes you permanent damage.
  

© 2006 Francois Basili, developer of “Applying EQ at Work” training program.

Changing The Movie Of Your Love Life

By Debra Berndt, CHt, the Official Guide to Dating

Have you ever wondered why it is so easy for others to be in a relationship and you struggle so much in dating? Are you familiar with the feeling of being left out of your friends’ coupled dinners and feeling the ache of loneliness every Valentine’s Day wondering when it was going to be your turn? Most singles feel helpless in their pursuit of love, waiting for timing and fate to bring to them the love that they seek. Not many people realize that everything in their life is a reflection of their own subconscious programming. Just a simple shift in your inner mind can change your experience in relationships almost instantly.

Your subconscious mind is the part of the mind that you are not aware of, working on the back-end of your conscious awareness to create your life. Allow yourself to imagine how a movie is projected onto a screen. The light of the projector flows through the film strip and creates a movie. Your reality in life is very similar. Everyone has an amazing light within like the light of the projector. Your light contains infinite possibilities or your divine nature. Your subconscious mind is like a film strip that contains all of your past programming (belief systems, memories, habits and fears, etc). As your divine light shines through the film of your subconscious, you see the movie or reality of your life. The interesting part of all of this is that we only see the movie or the result of our past programming.

Most people look at their life’s movie as what is and what always will be true for them. They do not know that the movie is just a result of the past and that they have the power to change the movie of their life. Sadly, many people will continue to live on autopilot based on old beliefs left-over from childhood because they do not have the information they need to change their destiny. They try to change situations in the movie but still have the same results. For example, some women say they want a relationship and keep attracting men that are non-committal. They try to analyze their life but it does not change the movie. If they would only change the film’s quality (subconscious) to reflect a happy, committed relationship, they would easily attract that relationship.

How do you change your subconscious? The easiest way to change the film of your subconscious programming is through self-hypnosis. Just a simple, light relaxation opens to door to the editing room of your mind and you can rewrite the film script of your life. Most single people make the mistake of continuing to focus on being alone and miserable instead of imagining themselves in a happy relationship. By visualizing yourself in a happy relationship and flooding your mind with beliefs that you are confident and lovable through self-hypnosis, your film strip is rewritten and a new love story unfolds in your life’s movie. The important thing to realize is that it will not appear until you truly believe it as you are visualizing and feeling how it would feel to be completely loved. Visualization only works when you engage the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

This may sound too good to be true, but sometimes the easiest solution is the one that works. I struggled with being single my entire adult life. I devoured every self-help book on relationships I could find and dove into every personal growth workshop that crossed my path, but still repeated the same patterns. It was not until I changed by subconscious through self-hypnosis that I was able to shift my dating patterns and attract the love of my life. I am now in a loving, committed relationship and feel more attractive and confident than I ever did in my twenties. As a clinical hypnotherapist, I have helped hundreds of people change their subconscious mind to attract a better quality of life.

Now you know the real secret. Are you ready to change your love life from a tragedy to a romance? You have the power inside of you to create change in your life. Visualize yourself loved and adored, get out the popcorn and watch the best movie of your life unfold.