10 great ideas from 5 great bosses

Author: John McKee

Depending on the news you hear, it may seem like this economy is still going downhill, or perhaps the bottom has finally been reached. But either way, there’s no doubt that more organizations are going to fail before we’re truly moving continually forward again.

However, while many organizations struggle, there are still great success stories out there. Leaders who see opportunities where others see roadblocks generally lead those operations. Not co-incidently, their teams are usually both more positive and more productive then competitors’.

Over my 30+ years working with business leaders and professionals, I’ve been able to see which ideas will work in almost any arena. Here are 10 tactics I’ve garnered from some of the finest pro’s I’ve worked with. See if any of them could help you improve your rate of success:

1. Become a small picture kind of boss - While it’s critical that you help everyone understand the overall goals and objectives of the organization; don’t forget that the best leaders will also bring those goals down to the smallest details of individual jobs. Learn to help everyone, at every level, understand how his or her specific contribution can make the whole organization more successful.

2. Nuke the Blackberry when at home - It won’t surprise you that many execs tell me their organization can’t run without them. They say it’s imperative that they take a message and help “fix” things. But, you might be surprised to learn the percentage of bosses who never check messages or emails after hours. Importantly, these folks are generally highly rated and successful, and - this is important - they often work in the same industry or even company as those who tell me that they must be available at all times.

3. Stop treating vacations as an option - Almost like it’s some kind of badge of honor, many managers frequently note how little time off they take off each year. On the other hand, others get very creative with their vacation planning. They look forward to getting away from the shop to re-charge and clear their minds. These ones tell me that their breaks make them more effective and creative. Care to guess which group I’ve seen moving up the ladder most quickly?

I recently did an interview on vacations. See it here: http://hwcdn.net/n3z3d6s4/wms/tempurpedic/tempurpedic2.wmv.asx

4. Improve the preparation for hiring new players - Most organizations do really crappy interviewing. Many who interview potential new hires admit to not being well prepared. They say they figured someone else in the process would have done much better. Now more than ever, it’s important that anyone joining your organization is well screened and the best fit for the opening. HR studies show that 60% of new hires fail in the first 12 months.

5. Develop your memory - Think back to the first time someone important remembered your name. It felt pretty good, right? Like you counted. The best leaders remember names, job roles, hobbies, partner’s names, and more. Watching them go through a series of meetings it can be amazing just how good their memories are. And it pays off - people work harder for those who care enough to remember personal things about them.

6. Exercise your body as well as your mind - Regularly scheduled forms of body work are a hallmark of the best bosses. The body needs to be exercised and maintained so that you can function at peak performance. Yoga for example helps to release stress. That’s good emotionally too, of course, but it also helps one’s posture because we have a tendency to hold stress in the front of our body. So it helps us to walk and sit taller; breath better, and have more energy to take on the demands of the job. And keep this in mind: If you were choosing between 2 candidates for a promotion, would you pick the one who looked fit and alert or the one who looked tired and worn out?

7. Learn these words: “I made a mistake” - And then say them as required. When you are confident enough to admit your screw-ups, it’s a great signal to team members that you are real and that you get it. This encourages them to be just as honest, reducing the fudging and BS so prevalent in many organizations. This makes it less likely that you’ll get one of those surprises that cause people to reach for purple pills in the top left hand drawer.

8. Track how you spend your time - The finest managers spend their time where the best payoff is likely to come. However, many leaders, despite their best intentions, spend too much of their time on problems or dealing with problem people. To see how you’re doing, I suggest that you regularly take out your calendar and review how much of your time you spent with what and who. If you see a pattern in your behavior - like too much time dealing with the whiny guy who always has troubles in his department and not with the positive individual who always delivers on her commitments - make some changes to your time management.

9. Don’t demi-task - Do you listen 100% of the time or are you usually mentally engaged in several things at once? Top dogs know that nobody can multi-task effectively over the long haul. They’ve figured out how to focus with laser-like precision. And their team members come to know that their boss is really hot and can’t be bluffed. This makes the team better at being clear and precise in their communications to you. Saves both time and energy for everyone.

10. Celebrate success - Whining doesn’t create change. Managing by berating is counterproductive. Even in downtimes, you can probably find something that’s doing well - cite it during your meetings or in emails. And name the responsible individuals. What you choose to focus on gets the most attention from others on your team. When you celebrate the little wins, you encourage more of the same behavior from others. And soon, you’ll have bigger things to celebrate.

Want More Love and Respect in Your Relationships?

by Beth Banning and Neill Gibson

Do you keep getting in relationships where it seems as if you're being taken for granted--where you give, and you give, but get little or nothing in return? Are you beginning to wonder why people keep treating you this way? If so, you are probably also feeling pretty confused, sad, and are beginning to lose what little confidence you had in yourself.

It can be very hard to maintain your self esteem and self confidence when you receive little appreciation and it seems as if the other person just doesn't care. Read on and discover a three-step self-esteem lesson plan for creating love and respect in all your relationships.

The Self Esteem--Action--Reaction Cycle

Are you in a relationship where you think you're being used, and not appreciated? Are you beginning to think that you must be doing something that gives the impression that you are not worth making an effort for--that you are perceived as the one who meets needs without requiring any reciprocal effort to meet yours as well?

If so, your self-esteem is probably at a low point and you are bound to feel less than confident. This scenario creates a vicious cycle-- low self-esteem creates how you feel-- how you feel creates how you act and in turn how others react to you. Now is the time to stop this vicious cycle by breaking the chain of your low self-esteem.

You might ask, "But, how do I do that?"

The very first thing we suggest is that you begin by treating yourself as worthy, unconditionally loving yourself, and asking for what you want from others. Loving and accepting yourself is the first step to creating relationships of mutual respect and consideration.

Next, learn the three beginning steps below; they will help you practice self-love and are guaranteed to increase your self-esteem. By practicing these self-love techniques you will automatically start treating yourself as the worthy being that is your true nature. And in turn, so will others.

Step One: Explore Your Thinking

Whether you're aware of it or not, the thoughts that you think generate the way you feel about yourself. The way you feel about yourself governs the actions you take, which in turn creates your life.

Most of us have been raised in cultures that teach us to focus only on what's happening in our environment. When you always focus on what's going on "out there", it's very challenging to really know what's going on "in here"--to know yourself and understand what's most important to you. If this is the case, then whenever something happens "out there" that you don't enjoy, all you know to do is try to and change your external circumstances. This is hopeless because the only thing you truly have control over is your internal reactions to your external circumstances.

To practice this step, we suggest you start by exploring your "low self-esteem" thinking. You begin by using your feelings as an alarm. The next time you feel uncomfortable in any way, try to identify what you were thinking about just before you started feeling uncomfortable.

Step Two: Identify What's Most Important To You

The quickest way to start giving yourself unconditional love is to get to know yourself. Discovering what's most important to you--what you value most--is the best way we know to discover who you truly are. These values are hidden beneath your everyday feelings.

Using step one, you have now identified what you were thinking about just before you started feeling uncomfortable. At this point, you could start asking yourself questions such as: "What is so important to me that's missing in this situation that I feel this way?"

For example, underneath a sense of deep sadness, you might discover caring and consideration are very important to you, and those things are missing in your life. Hidden within confusion could be a strong desire for understanding. Beneath anger, you could discover that you want to be more effective.

When you can get beyond your feelings to what you value--what's deeply important to you--you'll start to notice wonderful qualities about yourself that you can enjoy and can easily learn to love.

Step Three: Learn to Appreciate Who You Are

Although at times you may feel very lonely, once you learn to stop--the very first moment you start to feel uncomfortable--and identify what is most important to you beneath your feelings, you can begin to appreciate YOU. You can appreciate that you are someone who desires caring and consideration; that you are someone who values understanding and effectiveness.

After all, aren't these the qualities that you appreciate in others?

Using these self-love techniques, you are guaranteed to find the best friend you've ever had, and will be well on your way to mastering the art of self-love and acceptance.

With practice you'll gain the confidence to begin asking for what you want in all your relationships and never settle for less than you want again. Knowing clearly what you value makes it much easier to identify when it is missing and figure out how to get it. This is the surest path we know of to get the unconditional love and respect you want in all your relationships.

How to Recover from a Bad Day

By Melissa McCreery

Bad days are a part of life. We all have them. No matter how many yoga classes you attend or how smoothly your life runs, you'll run up against one sooner or later. The secret to thriving is learning how to move forward in spite of bad days, not aiming to never have one (although minimizing their frequency is a good thing).

Here are some tips for dusting yourself off and getting back on track after a bad day happens:

Do you have permission to have a bad day? Make sure that your inner-perfectionist (the one who requires all-or-nothing success) isn't running your show. Are you knee-deep in self-blame or guilt for things that may have contributed to your bad day (or for the way you reacted to it)? As long as you are busy beating yourself up, you won't be able to move on. Why not try on the idea that an occasional bad day is simply to be expected? It doesn't mean you failed; it means it's time to implement the "bad day plan."

Are you ready to move on, and what will you need to let go of to do so? This is an important question. Are you ready to move on from your bad day, or do you need it to continue for a little while longer? If you are busy beating yourself up, or feeling miserable, or drowning your sorrows, or feeling indignant and victimized, you're not ready to stop having a bad day yet. What do you need to let go of in order to start to shift into a different space? Anger, hurt, frustration, and negativity are all common answers.

What do you want to move on TO? How do you want things to be? How do you want to feel? What do you want your mindset or mental attitude to be? Your posture? Your facial expressions? Take a look in the mirror and make sure you aren't still carrying your bad day with you -- it's amazing how often we do this.

What helps you feel grounded? An important step in moving on from a bad day is connecting with the present and letting go of the past. What helps you to be really present in THIS moment -- completely here and alive? For some people, deep breathing or physical activity helps. Some people like to journal or spend quiet time alone. Take some time to get centered and to set your intention for how you want to BE in the present moment and into the future.

What kind thing can you do for yourself? This is what we do for others who are having a bad day. What can you do for yourself? (And no, a pint of ice cream doesn't count.) Can you call a friend or rent a movie? Pick a flower from your yard? Schedule a massage or a long bath or buy some new nail polish? Bad day recovery days are prime times for self-care.

What's one thing you can commit to that is a positive action? It doesn't need to be big. Pick one small step or action that signifies that you are moving in a positive direction. Do a good deed or a short workout or clean out one drawer. You'll know the action that fits. Your goal is to take the first step toward getting on a more positive track, and when that's done, take the next one.

Is Getting Mad Bad?

by Forrest Samnik

I have asked countless number of children “Is getting mad bad?” Very close to 100% answered yes. This has made me very curious as to the message we are presenting to children about anger. It has made me wonder how we adults express our anger and how that affects our children’s perspective that mad is bad.

While talking to children about anger I speak to the important role anger plays in our lives. Anger lets us know that something is wrong. It is a signal that we are hurt, scared, or frustrated, our rights are being violated, or our needs are not being met. I tell them that when anger is utilized in a productive way, it motivates us to make necessary changes to live more comfortably and safely in this world. When anger is expressed in destructive ways, it only serves to intensify the feelings of pain, frustration, and fear.

One young man, of middle school age, who was studying the civil rights movement of the 1960’s made a very astute observation. He pointed out that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a lot of things to be angry about. He said Dr. King and his people were being hurt on multiple levels and that Dr. King got angry enough to do something about it. This young man was able to recognize that Dr. King harnessed his anger to take a stand, be heard, take courageous action, and yet never once express his anger in a violent way.

Teaching our children how to properly express and deal with feelings of anger is a critical and ongoing lesson. Children need to know how to stand up for themselves, speak so people will listen, and take courageous action when needed without causing undue harm to themselves or others.

The number one most important element in teaching our children how to effectively manage anger is to know how to effectively manage our own anger. Children learn how to deal with anger by imitating the behavior of their caregivers. Children learn my watching, not by listening to what is said.

Despite our best attempts to be patient, resourceful, and flexible there are times we get angry with our children. Children pay close attention to our anger and will, in fact, provoke us just to see how we respond. They are actually giving us the perfect opportunity to teach them that anger is a normal, even healthy emotion, and show them positive ways to express it and how to move through it successfully.

Pay attention to the emotion beneath the anger. Anger is normally a response to an uncomfortable emotion. Pain (emotional or physical), fear, or frustration, are the usual culprits driving the anger. Identify these feelings to help you better understand and deal with your anger.

Name your anger. Children are very sensitive to non-verbal cues and pick up on subtle changes in voice tone, skin color, and body tension when we are mad. Let them know that this feeling has a name and that it is not too scary to talk about: “I’m feeling very angry and frustrated right now. I lost my keys and am running late to pick your brother up from school, and now you won’t put your shoes on so we can leave.”

Express anger without assigning blame. Children will do many things that we will feel frustrated about, but they are not responsible for our anger. When you are feeling angry, do not start a sentence off with “You”. When we say, “You are driving me crazy,” or “You make me so mad,” we are falsely giving our children the message that they are in control of our behaviors and emotions. Instead, explain to your children that our feelings of anger are in response to their behavior. Honestly share your feelings, and their connection to them, without blame. “When you climb on the furniture I feel scared and mad.”

Don’t strike your child. Hitting your child only teaches them to fear you and that violence is an acceptable way to express anger and solve problems. Yelling and name calling can be as hurtful as physical violence.

Recognize your triggers and early warning signals. Every one has their own hot buttons. For some parents it may be being ignored, for others it might be being talked back to, or being ordered around. Become aware of the early warning signs that these triggers produce so you can take action before the intensity of your feelings get to high. Once you have identified the triggers that spark your anger, set clear limits with your children around those areas.

It’s never too late to apologize. It’s a rare parent who hasn’t let their anger get the best of them and have done or said something they later regret. When the inevitable happens, it’s important to apologize for scaring or hurting your children. “I’m sorry that I scared you when I yelled at you. I got frightened when you climbed on the bookcase. I don’t want you to do that because it is not safe, but I didn’t mean to scare you.”

When you follow these guidelines for effective anger management, you are modeling healthy responses for your feelings of anger for your children to observe.

Feel Your Emotions to Create a Life You Love

By Arleen Hannich

Feeling your emotions is very important if you wish to create a life you love. Many of us avoid feeling emotions we tend to think of as negative; for instance, anger, sadness, fear, hate, doubt, shame, jealousy, and resentment. These emotions (and others like them) become especially toxic when they are not fully experienced.

Here are just some of the reasons why feeling your emotions fully is so important.

* If you are not in touch with your unpleasant emotions, you cannot be fully in touch with the emotions we tend to think of as being positive, such as love, happiness, joy, excitement, hope, gratitude, etc.

* If you are not feeling ALL your emotions, it is impossible to live in personal Truth. Many of us are living under illusions of what is important to us, because we are so removed from our own Truth. When you feel your emotions, you begin discovering what is truly important to you. When you honor what is important to you, you begin to live authentically.

* When you don't experience your emotions fully, they stay with you, and you develop a "charge." These accumulated charges may cause you to react to life situations unpredictably or irrationally or see people and events through a distorted filter. Perhaps most importantly, you will continue to create situations in your life, so you once again have the opportunity to feel and heal the pain you are avoiding.

* There is incredible power in your emotions -- power that can draw to you what you want. When you really feel what you desire and are in emotional alignment with what you desire, it begins to manifest in your reality at a rapid pace.

* When you "shut yourself down" emotionally, energy stagnates in your body, and over time it may turn into an ailment or disease. True and permanent healing can occur when you allow yourself to experience the feelings associated with the root issue behind your disease.

* We often think of our emotions as being separate from us, or "bad" things, yet they offer us wonderful information. Our emotions only become problems for us when we stuff them down. When you experience your emotions fully, you begin to see and appreciate their assistance and wisdom.

* When you hide your emotions, you increase the amount of conflict within you. When you have internal conflict, your external world reflects conflict back to you. You will find you have many difficulties and obstacles in your life when you suppress your emotions.

* When you bottle-up your emotions, you bottle-up your creativity. "Managing" your emotions is an incredible strain on you, and there is little space or energy left for your creativity to express itself.

* We often ignore our emotions and choose instead to look "outside" for guidance and answers -- whether that be from another human being or a Spiritual source. If you feel inside, you will be guided step by step.

Experiencing our feelings is a natural process, yet for some people it is "easier said than done." Initially the process can take some time and effort, but it gets easier with practice. And there is great power in knowing you do not have to cower before your own emotions. I invite you to reclaim your power today. Experience your emotions fully to create a life you love!

5 Ways You Allow Yourself to Be Manipulated

by James LeGrand

Most of us have been manipulated at some point in our lives. It may have come from someone we love or someone we need something from. We may have been manipulated by a friend or a social group. It is possible to have been manipulated by our employers, customers or our vendors. How are they doing this to us? What can we do to identify when we are being manipulated, and how can we stop it?

Here are 5 ways you allow yourself to be manipulated.

1. Guilt

Someone you love or respect asks you to do something that you find completely unreasonable. They insist that you should do it because they believe you should. Then, when they see that their request is going nowhere or that you need extra motivation, they turn on the guilt. If it’s a parental figure, they may say that they are only asking you for a small favor after caring for you their entire lives. A friend may quip that this is nothing compared to the favor they did for you last month. A love relation may state that as a partner, you should just do these things without having to be convinced.

All of these messages have an underlying tinge of shame within them. They are basically saying, “you should be ashamed of yourself for not wanting to do this for me.” So, in an effort to not feel bad, or have them look at you in a less than favorable light, we do the very thing we did not want to do. Whenever someone is trying to guilt you into doing something, they are not loving you in that moment. This isn’t to say they don’t love you. It is to say that they are using your love of them against you so that you either do what they say or feel bad for not doing so.

To avoid the guilt trip, you have to know that your proof of loving them does not reside in doing this act. Your love of them resides in your heart, regardless of what you decide to do in this one instance. Once you are secure enough in your knowledge of your love, decide what you want to do. Do it, or don’t do it, but be guilt free either way.

2. Fear of Loss

When someone asks you, or tells you, to do something or else they will take something away, that is the fear of loss at work. It might be the employer that asks you to “stretch the truth”, and when you hesitate, they casually mention how tight the bonus pool will be this year. It’s the lover who threatens you with a lack of intimacy that evening. It’s the social group that pulls back your inclusion because you aren’t “one of them” unless you participate or do as they ask.

Let’s call this what it is. These are blatant threats. If you don’t do what someone else asks you to do, you will lose. You find yourself especially troubled when you are asked to do something that compromises your morals, values or sense of what’s right.

In these situations, you must lean on your spirituality. Remember that the world operates on a principle of abundance and not scarcity. If you decide to stand up for yourself and your personal belief system, know that other opportunities will come if the loss is real. If you choose to do what’s being asked of you, then do so for reasons that you are comfortable with. Just remember that compromising your morals will leave you with an even bigger loss than anything someone else can take away from you.

3. Manipulation Disguised As Influence

Manipulation is rooted in a win/lose relationship. The person with the request wins and you lose. Your loss could be time, love, money, respect, opportunity, satisfaction, etc. Their win will be in these very same categories. However, influence is rooted in a win/win relationship. The person with the request has factored in how you can win and how they can win. There is balance, sensibility and practicality with influence. There is imbalance and irrationality with manipulation.

Usually, influence is being disguised as Fear of Loss or a Promise of Pleasure that is not really there or not equal to what the other gains. When you receive this proposal, remember that you can and should negotiate the terms of the agreement until they are more favorable for both of you. After all, the other person approached you with an arrangement that is supposed to be beneficial to both of you. You have the right to negotiate that. If you cannot reach a deal, you also have the right to walk away from it.

Be careful here though. If you choose to say no, the other person may try to use guilt to persuade you to do this thing with nothing in return for you. You’d be surprised how many people will take that deal instead. Don’t be one of them. Turn it right back around and let them know that they came to you with a proposal that was supposed to be win/win. Walk away with a win/win proposal or be prepared to say no to the whole thing.

4. Trust Without Verification

Contracts probably evolved out of this scenario. This is where someone promises you something in exchange for your favor, products or services and then doesn’t deliver after you fulfill your promise. This comes about when we trust someone without verifying that they have the means, track record, or true desire to fulfill their end of the bargain. They tell you everything you want to hear to motivate you towards action, and then leave you high and dry after they get what they want.

This situation happens everyday between families, associates, handshake deals between business partners, and situations where you need the backing of a big business that has all of the resources. In non-business deals, ask the other person to take measurable action steps towards what they’ve promised you as you do the same towards what you promised them. That way, you don’t complete all of the work and have nothing to show for it. Instead, you complete 10% of the work and can see if you are receiving 10% of the benefit. Then, you move on to the next major milestone percentage (25% for example). If this is a business deal, sign a contract. The best-case scenario is to have a lawyer either write or review the contract before signing. A large company may unfairly only give you hours or days to “make up your mind or the deal is off the table.” That type of language should serve as a red flag that you are being manipulated into signing an agreement that is something other than what was promised to you. Ask for the time you need to properly review the contract. If money for a lawyer is an issue, find a Pre-Paid Legal company that is right for you. Often, you can have access to legal services like reviewing contracts for less than $20/month.

The bottom line is that you can trust, but verify. Ensure that your end of the deal is coming before fully delivering your end, or cement the agreement in a written and signed contract. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself angry and manipulated.

5. Pride

Has anyone ever said that you weren’t the best if you didn’t do a certain thing? How about the threat of being considered not good enough if you didn’t do what they asked? Both are plays on your pride. They are either setting you up with the reward of being considered the best and the threat of everyone knowing you were not good enough at the same time.

“You know, Joe was able to lift that couch by himself when he helped me move in. Are you saying he’s stronger than you?” “Stacy was able to baby sit my 3 kids and they had a great time with her. If you don’t think YOU can do it, that’s ok.” “Gloria sold $150,000 in business last month. I guess she’s just better than you are if you can’t at least match what she did.” I think you get the point on how it is presented to you. Here’s the problem. Your need to be the best is rooted in insecurity. You need other people to validate your worth. It is because of this that others can so easily manipulate you into doing major things and all you get in return is the title of being the best. You think this is win/win, but who really wins?

Set goals, and then pursue them. Don’t stop until you reach them. Know your self worth internally. Don’t let anyone else’s judgment of what you can and can’t do mean more to you than your own. Remember that any recognition you seek outside of yourself is giving control of your self-esteem to someone else. Another person’s success can serve as a marker, but you should never stake your self-esteem on doing what they did. Keep you ego in check, AND accomplish what you set out to do because it’s what makes sense for you. Don’t do it to grandstand, show boat or declare that you are the best. There will always be someone better coming along.

45 lessons life

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood... But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Hard Decisions Made Easy

Do you have some difficult choices to make? Everyone faces these kinds of decisions in his or her life. Here are a few keys to help you make better decisions.

by Jeannette Freeman

his morning I got up, made some coffee and sat down in my favorite recliner to watch the news. This is my morning routine. I don't really even think about it.

Most of us make thousands of decisions each day. Most of them are pretty mundane—when to get up, how much coffee to make, how long to watch the news. But there are decisions we don't make every day and some of them are difficult, very difficult, with potentially tremendous consequences.

Chances are, you will make many difficult decisions in the next several years. Some of them will be one-time decisions: whether to graduate from high school; whether to go to college or trade school and, if so, where; what job or career to pursue; whether to marry someone; and whether to commit your life to God. (Of course marriage and committing to God are more than just one-time decisions—they must become habitual decisions.)

Many seemingly small decisions you make every day about serious matters—such as how to conduct yourself in male-female relationships; how to spend, save and earn your money; and whether or not to waste your mind and wreck your body with drugs or alcohol—have lifelong consequences.

These kinds of decisions should not be taken lightly. They are hard decisions, and hard decisions require hard thinking. They also require honesty and help. Here are some tips to consider.

1. Be honest with yourself and others.

Know who you are, who you want to become and what you are able to do. Look at your entire self. But do not shortchange yourself. The ancient Greek saying, "Know thyself," applies here. Take off the blinders, the rose-colored glasses or the sunglasses—whatever you're wearing.

If you aren't honest with others as well, they aren't going to be able to help you. Talking to others about yourself and your dreams will help them get to know you better and help them help you better. You never know what life experience someone has had that might help you make a better decision. Opening up to others allows them to open up to you.

2. Seek help from others.

There are lots of people who would like to help you. First, remember that your parents want you to succeed; they want you to be happy. They may be excellent resources because of their experience making difficult decisions or because they know others who can help you. Make sure you are forthright and honest with your parents, otherwise you may be getting less-than-their-best advice.

Also keep in mind that there are likely other wise people who know you and may be able to provide good advice. You may have a good, close relationship with a family friend, a relative, a neighbor, a teacher or your pastor. More likely than not, such a person would be very willing to spend time talking with you about the difficult decisions you face. Don't be afraid to ask for an hour or two of this person's time.

High school or college counselors can also be helpful, especially regarding your decisions about further education and careers. They can often provide aptitude tests, career interest inventories and personality inventories. They may also be aware of additional helpful resources.

Another source of help is your local library. There are millions of good books, and you are certain to find several applicable to your situation if you do some searching. Consult your local public librarian or search online to find ones that might be helpful.

The Friendship Formula

by verticalthought.com

Before one can expect to make friends, he or she needs to see the value in having them in the first place! The old song "No Man Is an Island" is true! People need people. Those who try to prove they don't need others set themselves up for failure or disappointment in life.

If you are to make friends, you must value the need for them.

The point is, we are not made to be totally independent creatures! To be successful, we really cannot go it alone. A do-it-yourself attitude leads to a lonely life that often doesn't work very well.

As with any endeavor, building friendships needs to be based on the right foundation.

The point is simply this—our desire to develop friendships should not be based on what we can get from an individual or relationship, but what we can give (time, an ear, encouragement, support). Helping others also has an automatic reciprocal benefit for us.

Some may be reluctant to make friends because "reaching out" to others has risks. However, "reaching out" is a risk we should be willing to take.

To show others friendship, we also have to be willing to give of our time. As a formula, we could say that Kindness (K) and Time (T) lead to Friendship or K + T = Friendship!

An old anonymous saying explains: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." Preoccupation and self-absorption will not bring fulfillment. Yet how many people spend years trying to get others interested in them rather than reaching out by showing friendliness and interest in others?

There is no substitute for being friendly. Making the first move also takes the pressure off other people. Most of the time they will be relieved that someone else has started the ball rolling. Being friendly creates an environment in which friendships can develop.

Because most people are primarily interested in themselves, they tend to have a hard time listening to others! A necessary ingredient in building friendships is being willing to sincerely listen to your friends and to concern yourself with their needs and thoughts. Be sure to also ask questions about what they are expressing to you. This shows you are genuinely interested!

Listening will not only make your friends feel better (which, let's face it, is important!), but it will also establish for you a good reputation among those who are not your friends. You'll be known as a friendly, concerned person. These qualities attract people like a magnet.

Give your undivided attention while learning the interests, goals and aspirations of the people you meet. This may seem like a hard or unnatural thing to do, but you can start by simply making a habit of asking a few, nonprobing questions about the other person. Of course, don't "drill" them with questions as if you were a lawyer, but realize that by asking a few questions, you will gain a good understanding of their interests and goals—the things that make them tick.

I'm not talking about complimenting just to try to impress someone, but giving a sincere comment of encouragement. These days, it seems that when you compliment another person, people can mistakenly think you are being insincere just to get your way. That's not what I mean at all!

If you get along well with someone, swap e-mail addresses or phone numbers and keep in touch. As always, consider whom you are developing a strong friendship with—as good friends should be trustworthy and share values similar to yours. Clearly, our best friends are going to be those with whom we share interests, including our faith and convictions.

Another key point in follow-up is to actually keep doing it—even with old friends! Sometimes people "ditch" their old friends or simply forget about them when they find new individuals who seem a bit more exciting or interesting. But good, "old" friends are hard to come by, and keeping in touch by dropping them a line every now and again is a good practice.

Being patient is a great quality that is often called the elusive virtue! It seems so few have it! In friendships, we should realize that as we desire God to be patient with us, we will at times need to give friends time to consider their actions. We need to be patient and not give up on people too quickly.

Overall, the human desire for friendship is easily understood. People simply want to share their lives, have someone to be with, to trust, to depend on and to genuinely listen to them.

We want friends who care about our feelings and perspectives, others who will tell us the hard things without meaning to hurt us and friends who will not let time or distance stop communication. We want others who will tolerate and forgive our failings and friends who will bring pleasure to others by sharing the joy in their own lives.

So don't forget these basic principles for making friends with others. And realize that if you understand the value of friendships, base relationships on outgoing concern, reach out in a friendly way, learn to listen, follow up and strive to be patient with others, you will make good friends and keep them.