Importance Of Effective Communication

By Barbara Stennes

No matter how brilliant and invaluable your idea, it is worthless unless you can share it with others. For this reason, effective communication is crucial at every level of an organization. However, the ability to communicate effectively does not come easily to many people, and it is a skill that requires practice.We begin practicing our communication skills even before we learn to walk. A newborn child communicates by crying, but it slowly learns to mimic its parents' speech. Eventually, the child discovers that certain speech patterns elicit different responses; one of the joys of parenting is trying to decipher the meaning behind certain “words.” Does “baaaaaw” mean that the baby wants his ball, his bottle, or his blanket? Slowly, through trial and error, the child learns to manipulate sounds to get what it wants, and as the child develops, this active oral practice leads to more nuanced and fluid conversations. In short, the child learns effective communication.To effectively communicate a complex idea, however, requires skills beyond elementary conversation.

There are two golden rules to remember and follow.

Golden Rule #1: Organize thoughts in your mind before sharing them with others.One idea often prompts a torrent of others. In order to share your ideas, you must first shape them coherently. Organization is important, because it creates a pattern for your listener, allowing him or her to grasp the larger picture intuitively. This allows the listener to focus on the details of your message, without struggling to understand how you went from Point A to Point B.As a thought experiment, imagine that a colleague has asked you for directions to the airport. Write them down. Your directions will probably look something like:
Drive west half a mile on Aurora.
Take a left on Madison.
At the third light, turn right and follow Dexter for 2-3 miles.
Get on the interstate, heading south.
Etc.

Now, with a pair of scissors, cut each line of instructions into a small strip of paper. Jumble the strips up and arrange them in a completely random order, then give them to your colleague. Even with mixed-up directions, s/he should have no trouble reaching the airport, right? After all, your directions are complete and accurate. Not a single step is missing.The problem, of course, is that your directions are also completely unorganized, rendering them useless. Your colleague will find it impossible to focus on your message itself, because he or she will struggle to follow your message's structure (or lack thereof).

Golden Rule #2: Communication is Collaborative, Not CompetitiveThrusting your idea on others mars the beauty and integrity of conversation. Communication is in some ways like a dance; each partner plays off the other, basing his or her steps on the other person's, while simultaneously maintaining a certain amount of individuality.Communication is a two-way process involving an exchange of ideas. If you try to make it one-way, you prevent this exchange and will eventually frustrate the other person. You may also frustrate yourself, if you read the other person's lack of verbosity as disinterest in the conversation, rather than an inability to get a word in.The hallmark of effective communication is the coherent verbal projection of your ideas, so that your listener receives the message that you intend to send. By observing these two rules, you will reduce miscommunication and misunderstandings.

A Negative Thinking Person Cannot Succeed

Author: Arthur Wang
Do you know that negative thinking can be self-fulfilling? When face with a very difficult problem, the person with a negative frame of mind will unlikely be able to cope with the problem as compare to a person with a positive mind frame. Luckily for us, these worlds have more positive thinker rather than negative thinker or it would not have progress over the years in term of engineering, medical science, etc.

Why is it that negative thinker can never improved our living environment?

If a negative thinking person is in a difficult situation, that person would likely to give up rather that persist in finding the solutions to the problems. The famous inventor Thomas Edison would not have succeeded in inventing the light bulb if he is not a positive thinker and keep experimenting, finding ways of improving his light bulb with nothing but his self-belief that his inventions will work. Not many people can survive failing more than 1000 times in an experiment and it is because that such positive thinking people exists that we are able to enjoy the progress of today.

Imagine that you are a negative thinker and have a difficult problem at hand. Most likely, you will give up after a few tries and that separate you from a successful person who will keep on going and going just like the rabbit battery advertisements. A negative person give up too easily and they always assume that things can never be done and it is no use trying. They tends to look down on themselves and blame the environment and rely too much to luck instead of trying and finding new and alternative ways of solving the problems. Therefore, to succeed in your life and achieved your dreams or goals, read, see, listen and surround yourself with positive thoughts and people and learn to think more positively and belief in yourself that you can do it even though the tunnel on the other end is still fill with darkness.

A positive thinker will one day re-fill the darkness with brightness. I remember reading somewhere: 'The illiterate of the future is not one who cannot read or write but one who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.' This was a view held by a Nobel laureate. Wishing you success living as a positive thinker.

How to Unlock an Endless Supply of Motivation

by Jason M. Gracia

Fear.

It can stand in the way of everything you have ever wantedto have, do, and be. And yet, it can also be your greatestally - if you know how to use it.Would you try to keep something cool inside your oven? Hotinside your freezer? Of course not. But this is exactlywhat people do with their minds and bodies.

They work against their natural tendencies and struggle to change their lives for the better. They prepare a fantasticmeal and try to bake it in the freezer.And once again they fail to get what they really want.It's time to stop fighting against your natural tendenciesand embrace them. Today you'll learn a new and excitingtechnique that will motivate you to live life at a wholenew level by working with, and not against, your instincts.

The Only Two Motivators in Life

People are motivated by only two factors - pleasure andpain. Everything we do results from our perception that itwill provide us with pleasure or help us to avoid pain. Andwe will do a great deal more to satisfy the latter.This is a fact that you can use to your advantage. Once youlearn how to harness the power that the fear of pain offersall human beings, you will take complete control of yourlife. You will be motivated like never before to implementyour plans for a better future.An example will help to get you started...

Alisha wanted to write children's books. Along with thisgoal came two sets of fears.To begin, she feared failure. Writing children's books wassomething she had wanted to do ever since she was young,but the images of her friends and family laughing at herstories stood in her way.What if she wasn't any good? What if no one liked what shewrote? What if this was just a silly dream that would bebetter off forgotten?This grouping of fear became a powerful obstacle betweenAlisha and her goal. It scared her away from taking action.But this was only the first set of fears. The second typeis where the key to successful change and motivation is found.

While tossing around her thoughts about writing children'sbooks, Alisha also thought about what her life would belike should she let go of her dream.What would she think of herself ten years from now knowingthat she let her negative fears take control of her future?How would she feel knowing she never gave it a shot, nevertook the risk and followed her dream?These were the fears that motivated her to action. You see, while the first set of fears stood in her way,they did not completely block the path to success. The fearof regret and loss drove Alisha toward her goal, but in the end there is only one question to ask:

Which set of fears was stronger?

This War is Occurring Inside You Right Now

You can think of Alisha's situation as a war of sorts. Onone side is the fear of failure and rejection. These fearstell her to stop and drop the goal.The opposing and empowering side holds the fears of regretand loss. These tell her to go for it all and take a chanceat success and happiness.Whichever side is stronger results in action - either towalk away or go for it.

Here's the great news: you control the balance.

You can weaken the negative fears and enhance the positivefears. You can completely manipulate the strength of eachside until you are motivated to act on your goals.

This is exactly what I had Alisha do. She spent a few hourswith each set of fears, either weakening or strengtheningthem. The fears that held her back were analyzed for thetruth and diminished as she realized her friends and familywould never reject her.The second set of fears was intensified as she picturedherself in the future, depressed about her decision toforget her dream. She was miserable and alone. It was animage Alisha never wanted to experience.In the end, the fear of regret and loss won the battle.Alisha acted on her goal and never looked back. It was agreat success for her, but without the right tools mostpeople never win the game. The fear of failure andrejection wins nearly every time.Follow the instructions below to ensure your goals and dreams never fall into this unfortunate category.

Fear: It's Time to Take Advantage

As you already know from the story above, you have two waysto go with fear. You can weaken the negative ones orstrengthen the empowering ones. Today we are going to focuson adding strength to your positive fears.Take in mind a goal that you wish to achieve. Be specificabout what you want and why you want it.Once you have your chosen goal in mind, it's time to createsome fear. I want you to imagine that you lived the rest ofyour life never having achieved your goal.The years just passed by and the fear of failure kept youfrom what you wanted. And although it ate you up inside,you never did anything about it. You never realized yourpotential or what you were capable of.Create as horrible a picture as you can about this possiblefuture. The more depressing the scenario, the better. Thinkabout how you'll feel about yourself, how others will feelabout you, and how much it will hurt to know that you'llnever do the things you wanted to do.And most effective of all, you never became the person youalways knew you could be.

Using the Facts to Your Benefit

You now have fear working for you. The fear of failure maybe strong, but if you do your job and follow the directionsabove, the fear of regret will win in the end.Always remember, human beings will do most anything toavoid an intensely painful situation. By using this to youradvantage you will be motivated to achieve your goal andavoid the pain of regret.What we have covered today is a single step in the largerprogram of our motivation handbook, The Motivated Mind. Ineach newsletter, additional steps and methods of the systemare shared, but due to its size, the entire program can'tpossibly be delivered to you.If you would like to discover the entire system from startto finish as well as the six secrets to quickly triggeringand maintaining your motivation, I invite you to stop by the address below to learn more about The Motivated Mind.You'll realize that the life you've always wanted to live can actually be achieved when a handful of simple steps areput in action.

Having a High "Havingness Quotient"

By Lynn Scheurell
"You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration." - James Allen

Imagine that you've gotten everything you ever wanted -- the life partner, the house, the car, the clothes, the physique, the friends, the money, the lifestyle...

Now what?

If you're like most humans, it's likely that you'll sabotage yourself in "having it all." We here in the Western world are actually socialized to be in continuous striving; that is, we don't know how to have and enjoy everything we've worked for and received because if we have it, our culture says we're not working hard enough, or infers that we don't know what to do if we don't have tangible goals.

Imagine a train chugging up a steep incline, with its engine working hard... when it gets to the top, what does it do? It goes down -- logic says that there's no other way to go. But what if there WAS another way? What if when the train got to the top, it got to cruise along a plateau rather than drop down? If you can now put yourself in that picture as the train, you'll see that you naturally keep working hard (going up) or know how to cope with not having the top (going down); however, you likely don't know how to cruise the topmost plateau you've attained. I call this the "Havingness Quotient." It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it is descriptive.

The higher your "Havingness Quotient," the easier it will be for you to hold on to and enjoy your achievements -- and vice-versa. You might even think of this as "abundance self-esteem." If you have a low "Havingness Quotient," you will proportionately experience the "downside" of what you want and work toward. In that case, you will find yourself comfortably in discomfort as you "re-tread" what you've always done. So how do you increase your "Havingness Quotient"?

Three Things You Can Do Today:

1. Ask for more than enough. Often people don't think big enough in terms of their own abundance (including fees for their services!). Our limited thinking and expectations will keep us in the work hard mode, chugging up our personal hills. Ask for the most you think you can have -- and then double it! The first time you do that, it can be mind-blowing... one of my clients asked for $4,000 in income monthly, which when doubled, became $8,000. This was inconceivable to her, until she reconciled her books the next month -- she discovered she actually generated $9,000 that month for the first time in her life!

2. Watch where you are giving. We cannot enjoy our own "Havingness Quotient" if we give away all the good stuff. Part of the reason that we are here is to ENJOY what we are creating. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't share -- I'm all about that! However, if you are a chronic over-giver (and I know that one personally!), you need to consider where you are leaking what you have because it could be draining your "Havingness," which keeps you in overwork and less joyful for your own benefit.

3. Look at your self-sabotage patterns. The good news about being human is that we can be our own observers. We can actually see where we are tripping ourselves up if we look closely enough because it's a familiar pattern. I see clients who go into "drama" or focus on external "noise" because they don't know how to handle abundance. Others will go 90 percent of the way and then quit on a nearly successful project, and I've seen others yet who stay in the preparation for the preparation of the preparation... you get the idea. They're not moving forward. It could be that people don't know how to be if they're not striving anymore -- they just don't know what to expect if they have it all. Look at where you are potentially sabotaging your own "Havingness." My intention is that you receive and enjoy all that you want and more... because if you increase your "Havingness Quotient," you are living on purpose and you're setting a positive example, which will ultimately benefit everyone around you.

"Havingness Quotient," you are living on purpose and you're setting a positive example, which will ultimately benefit everyone around you.

Rational Positive Thinking

by MindTools

Have you ever felt really stressed about something, only to see the stress vanish when you talk the situation through with a friend?

Quite often, our experience of stress comes from our perception of a situation. Often that perception is right, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes we are unreasonably harsh with ourselves, or jump to wrong conclusions about people’s motives, and this can send us into a downward spiral of negative thinking.

Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking and Positive Thinking are simple tools that help you to change this negative way of thinking. This page teaches you how to use them.

Introduction:

The most commonly accepted definition of stress is that it occurs when a person believes that "demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize". In short, it's when we feel out of control.

When people feel stressed, they have made two main judgments: First, they feel threatened by the situation, and second, they believe that they're not able to meet the threat. How stressed someone feels depends on how much the situation can hurt them, and how closely their resources meet the demands of the situation.

Perception is key to this as (technically!) situations are not stressful in their own right. Rather it is our interpretation of the situation that drives the level of stress that we feel.

Quite obviously, we are sometimes right in what we say to ourselves. Some situations may actually be dangerous, may threaten us physically, socially or in our career. Here, stress and emotion are part of the early warning system that alerts us to a threat.

Very often, however, we are overly harsh and unjust to ourselves in a way that we would never be with friends or co-workers. This, along with other negative thinking, can cause intense stress and unhappiness and can severely undermine our self-confidence.

Using the Tool:
Thought Awareness

You are thinking negatively when you fear the future, put yourself down, criticize yourself for errors, doubt your abilities, or expect failure. Negative thinking damages confidence, harms performance and paralyzes mental skills.

Unfortunately, negative thoughts tend to flit into our consciousness, do their damage and flit back out again, with their significance having barely been noticed. Since we barely realise that they were there, we do not challenge them properly, which means that they can be completely incorrect and wrong.

Thought Awareness is the process by which you observe your thoughts and become aware of what is going through your head.

One approach to it is to observe your "stream of consciousness" as you think about the thing you're trying to achieve which is stressful. Do not suppress any thoughts. Instead, just let them run their course while you watch them, and write them down on our free worksheet as they occur. Then let them go.

Another more general approach to Thought Awareness comes with logging stress in your Stress Diary. When you analyze your diary at the end of the period, you should be able to see the most common and the most damaging thoughts. Tackle these as a priority using the techniques below.

Here are some typical negative thoughts you might experience when preparing to give a major presentation:

• Fear about the quality of your performance or of problems that may interfere with it;
  
  
• Worry about how the audience (especially important people in it like your boss) or the press may react to you;
  
  
• Dwelling on the negative consequences of a poor performance; or
  
  
• Self-criticism over a less-than-perfect rehearsal.

Thought awareness is the first step in the process of managing negative thoughts, as you cannot manage thoughts that you are unaware of.

Rational Thinking

The next step in dealing with negative thinking is to challenge the negative thoughts that you identified using the Thought Awareness technique. Look at every thought you wrote down and challenge it rationally. Ask yourself whether the thought is reasonable. What evidence is there for and against the thought? Would your colleagues and mentors agree or disagree with it?

Looking at the examples, the following challenges could be made to the negative thoughts we identified earlier:

• Feelings of inadequacy: Have you trained yourself as well as you reasonably should have? Do you have the experience and resources you need to make the presentation? Have you planned, prepared and rehearsed enough? If you have done all of these, you've done as much as you can to give a good performance.
  
  
• Worries about performance during rehearsal: If some of your practice was less than perfect, then remind yourself that the purpose of the practice is to identify areas for improvement, so that these can be sorted out before the performance.
  
  
• Problems with issues outside your control: Have you identified the risks of these things happening, and have you taken steps to reduce the likelihood of them happening or their impact if they do? What will you do if they occur? And what do you need others to do for you?
  
  
• Worry about other people's reactions: If you have prepared well, and you do the best you can, then you should be satisfied. If you perform as well as you reasonably can, then fair people are likely to respond well. If people are not fair, the best thing to do is ignore their comments and rise above them.

The Payoff in Unhappiness

by Osho

Misery has many things to give to you which happiness cannot give. In fact, happiness takes away many things from you. Happiness takes all that you have ever had, all that you have ever been; happiness destroys you.

Misery nourishes your ego, and happiness is basically a state of egolessness. That is the problem, the very crux of the problem. That’s why people find it very difficult to be happy.That’s why millions of people in the world have to live in misery...have decided to live in misery. It gives you a very very crystallized ego. Miserable, you are Happy, you are not. In misery, crystallization; in happiness you become diffused.If this is understood then things become very clear. Misery makes you special. Happiness is a universal phenomenon, there is nothing special about it. Trees are happy and animals are happy and birds are happy. The whole existence is happy, except man.

Being miserable, man becomes very special, extraordinary.Misery makes you capable of attracting people’s attention. Whenever you are miserable you are attended to, sympathized with, loved. Everybody starts taking care of you. Who wants to hurt a miserable person? Who is jealous of a miserable person? Who wants to be antagonistic to a miserable person? That would be too mean.The miserable person is cared for, loved, attended to.

There is great investment in misery. If the wife is not miserable the husband simply tends to forget her. If she is miserable the husband cannot afford to neglect her. If the husband is miserable the whole family, the wife, the children, are around him, worried about him; it gives great comfort. One feels one is not alone, one has a family, friends.When you are ill, depressed, in misery, friends come to visit you, to solace you, to console you. When you are happy, the same friends become jealous of you. When you are really happy, you will find the whole world has turned against you.

Nobody likes a happy person, because the happy person hurts the egos of the others.The others start feeling, “So you have become happy and we are still crawling in darkness, misery and hell. How dare you be happy when we all are in such misery!”Of course the world consists of miserable people, and nobody is courageous enough to let the whole world go against him; it is too dangerous, too risky. It is better to cling to misery, it keeps you a part of the crowd. Happy, and you are an individual; miserable, you are part of a crowd — Hindu, Mohammedan, Christian, Indian, Arabian, Japanese.Happy? Do you know what happiness is? Is it Hindu, Christian, Mohammedan?

Happiness is simply happiness. One is transported into another world. One is no longer part of the world the human mind has created, one is no longer part of the past, of the ugly history. One is no more part of time at all. When you are really happy, blissful, time disappears, space disappears.Albert Einstein has said that in the past scientists used to think that there were two realities — space and time. But he said that these two realities are not two — they are two faces of the same single reality. Hence he coined the word spaciotime, a single word. Time is nothing else but the fourth dimension of space.Einstein was not a mystic, otherwise he would have introduced the third reality also — the transcendental, neither space nor time. That too is there, I call it the witness. And once these three are there, you have the whole trinity. You have the whole concept of trimurti, three faces of the divine. Then you have all the four dimensions. The reality is four-dimensional: three dimensions of space, and the fourth dimension of time.But there is something else, which cannot be called the fifth dimension, because it is not the fifth really, it is the whole, the transcendental.

When you are blissful you start moving into the transcendental.It is not social, it is not traditional, it has nothing to do with human mind at all.

Book Review: Communicating effectively

Review by leongal

by Garry Kranz

This is a useful book for people who writes and speaks for a living. It provides helpful guidelines to the readers on what they should do and should avoid, to achieve a more effective way of communicating to another party. The guidelines not only include writing tips, but also speaking, presenting and writing emails and memos. Some of the important points are summarized in boxes that attract readers to re-read.

Some of the relevant points are:

The act of writing itself tends to stimulate ideas or concepts you had not previously considered.

Seeing ideas in front of you makes it easier to sort out the most essential details and organize them in a logical order. Keep similar items and ideas together.

You should always aim to write with clarity and simplicity.

Keep it short and to the point. Always use correct grammar and accurate language.

Commas can be used as pauses between major ideas in sentences. If possible, keep them to a minimum.

Using “that” indicates the clause is essential; it is vital to the sentence’s meaning, providing specific information.

Introducing the clause “which”, offset by commas, indicates the clause is “nonessential”.

Writing to request

State the specific reason for writing in the first sentence of your document or letter. Be sure to supply identifying information of special relevance to your reader.

While sending an email, keep in mid that it is a medium in which the tone of a message can be easily misinterpreted as sarcasm or disrespect.

Connect your purpose in writing with the interests and needs of your reader.

A journalist seeking information could let prospective sources know her intentions by writing, ‘Urgent media request/ Story on…/ Your input requested” in the subject line

Responding to emails in a timely fashion is not only good manners – it could be critical to the success of your job or business.

Letting people know your door – and more important, your mind – is always open encourage trust and candor

Great People Skills Are The Secret To Happiness

By Peter Murphy

Having and developing great people skills will bring you happiness in work and in your social and private life. Great people skills tend to attract people. People with great people skills are generally the first to get promoted at work; they are the ones who have good relations with the opposite sex; they are the ones who people gather around at social events and because of these factors, they are the ones who are happier with their overall life.

The number one key to having great people skills is to care about yourself, and equally important is to care for others. Caring about yourself is not about thinking of yourself first. But rather, it’s more about respecting yourself and maintaining a way of life that reflects that you care about yourself. When we care about ourselves we reflect that to others in our verbal and non-verbal behaviors. This is reflected in how we care for others. Thus, caring is a great people skill brings us happiness in itself.

Caring people treat others with kindness, rather than cruelty. Kindness can mean different things to different people. However, kindness is rooted in respect for another. This respect is demonstrated in behaviors like intently listening to the other without judgment or interruption, as an example. When we truly listen to another person we become engaged and participate in a meaningful conversation and interaction with them, aiming to developing a relationship that helps them.

One great people skill that will lead to happiness is trustworthiness. When people trust us they want to be around us because they know that they can talk to us about anything regarding their lives, knowing that what they say to us stays with us. A trustworthy person doesn’t run around telling the secrets of another, but rather keeps that information to themselves. Also, the trustworthy person doesn’t use that information against another.

Another example of a trustworthy person, but more related to honesty, is the one who finds something of value that belongs to someone else. But rather than keeping it for themselves, they do everything in their power to return the valuable to its rightful owner. When a person behaves in a trustworthy and honest manner they will most certainly experience happiness.

Reliability is another people skill that leads to happiness. Family, friends, acquaintances, and employers want to be able to rely on us, for whatever might need to be done or taken care of. Related to reliability is commitment. When happy people make a commitment they follow through with that commitment and, if for whatever reason they can’t fulfill that commitment, they take the responsibility of letting the other know. Reliability, commitment and responsibility are all interrelated and each is a great people skill that enhances one’s happiness.

The ability to connect with others is a great people skill to have. People who are able to connect with another are empathetic and that empathy is reflected in their conversational relations, both verbally and non-verbally. The body language of the person who can connect with another demonstrates an interest in the other and has patience, which is obviously seen in one’s body language. Their body language is presented in such a way that it draws the other in, rather than rejecting them.

Great people skills obviously rely on knowing the appropriate thing to say. Their language is not abusive or threatening, but rather it is insightful and caring. It takes account of what other people are feeling and thinking and reacts to them accordingly in verbal and non-verbal communication. Having great people skills is a real gift because it allows you to put other people at their ease; communication will be made so much easier that you are bound to be happier.

Public Speaking: Who is Your True, Authentic Self?

By Lisa Braithwaite

"Water which is too pure has no fish." ~ Ts'ai Ken T'An

Speakers often focus on the "rules" of speaking more than on being a truly effective speaker. Unfortunately, following too many rules can paralyze a speaker and make them dreary and mechanical, submerging the soul and spirit of the person inside the speaker.

Instead of focusing on refining the mechanics of your presentation, let's talk about what you bring to the table as an individual. What do your personality and style have to do with giving a successful presentation?

You’ve probably seen some pretty slick speakers. You’ve probably seen some speakers who were so polished, you sat in awe with your mouth hanging open.

But many times, those speakers are not connecting with the audience. They're technically proficient, but there’s an emotional distance between them and the audience, a chasm that’s wider than just the space between the podium and the front row.

You will be most effective as a speaker if you let your personality -- with all your quirks and unique characteristics -- shine. All the tips and tricks in the world won’t fool your audience if you’re faking it.

So what are some of your personality traits? Here's a list if you need some ideas. Make a list of ten personality traits that fit you. Be honest with yourself and don't be modest.

Now that you’ve identified some of your traits, imagine how they might benefit you as a speaker:

For example: if you listed "perceptive," then this is a good trait for helping you read your audience throughout your talk to determine what’s working and what isn’t.

If you listed "spontaneous," you might enjoy throwing little surprises at your audience to keep them on their toes.

If you listed "tactful," then you’ll be great at taking charge of questions that sometimes veer off topic, and you’re probably great at dealing with hecklers.

"Organized?" Then you’ll be good at making the presentation easy for your audience to follow.

Look at your personality traits as neither good nor bad; they just "are." Try not to judge or think negatively about yourself, but think of how you can best incorporate your own personality into your presentations.

Some people say, "But the real me is BORING." Well, that’s just not true! Each of us has something unique and special to bring to our speaking engagements. It’s how you connect with your audience and make your presentation about them that’s most important.

So you’re not Jerry Seinfeld, you’re not Dr. Phil, and you’re not Oprah. Each of these people brings her or his own unique style to communication, and you can, too. Knowing who you are -- and who you aren't -- keeps you honest, authentic, and accessible to your audience. You're perfect just the way you are!

Successful Living, Imagination and the Law of Attraction!

By Melissa Zollo

re you aware that there is no such thing as coincidence and nothing happens by chance? Every single event that is projected onto the screen of space and time (appears in your life) was produced by the use (or misuse) of energy and Spiritual Laws. Notice I said laws! The Law of Attraction does not act alone!

Before anything can be attracted to you it is vital to understand the time-tested Principle of Power. Imagination is your key to real power. The Inner You lives in a world that is ruled by Imagination. Learn how to use it and all Spiritual Laws and you will begin to transform your desires into reality. Goals are achieved when you can focus on the realization of your dream and live in the feeling of fulfillment, in complete confidence, regardless of appearances.

Are you pleased with your current reality?

Your mental habits are building your finances, health, career, and relationships into form. The most important factor in releasing the Law of Attraction for financial success concerns your mental blueprints and beliefs about yourself. You become what you believe and feel to be true. Emotionalized belief can block out, repel or attract to us that which is consistent with our images and beliefs.

Images of the Mind: Blueprints for Life.

The undisciplined mind finds it challenging to claim a result which is denied by their outer senses. Most of us are creatures of habit. Many of our habits are fear-based. Doubts and fears rob us of our deepest dreams. If you want answers as to why you have or don't have what you desire, look no further than your habits of thinking and feeling towards yourself and others.

Once you evict the mental-cause that is producing poverty and develop a mindset of success fueled from joy – only then will you achieve lasting results. It takes repeated effort and inner conviction to build success through repetition.

From this moment forward refuse to entertain, think about, or talk about failure. Once you accept the idea that you were born to succeed because the Infinite Within You cannot fail, is when the Law of Attraction will go into motion and begin to attract to you everything you need to achieve your goal.

The key to successful living using the Law of Attraction is to know how to tip the scales in the direction of joy and bliss! Your feelings are your point of attraction. In order to manifest your heart's desires it is essential to practice feeding your mind new ideas until all fear based gibberish stops dominating your self-talk. And it will, if you will persist.

Housed within you is the code to succeed. Use it and you will become a living magnet to wealth and success.

The Stranger

by Anonymous

*First read it on the StarMag*

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with
adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular
basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.
His name?.... . . .














We just call him "TV."

(Note: This should be required reading for every household!)
He has a wife now....We call her "Computer."

Never Go To Bed Mad At Each Other

By Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz
#1 Love and Marriage Experts on Google and YahooAward Winning Authors of the NEW Hardback BookGolden Anniversaries: The Seven Secrets of Successful MarriageAlso available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Borders.com, Waldenbooks.com and your local bookstore

On the Today Show this morning a remarkable segment aired. It was remarkable not because it was good or enlightening, but because it wasn’t. In fact, it was downright misleading and irresponsible based upon the research evidence, and we want to comment on it.

A psychologist and the managing editor of Good Housekeeping were on the Today Show to proclaim that the notion of “never go to bed mad at each other” was a myth. Imagine, calling such a time-honored notion a myth. Listening to them made our skin crawl and here’s why – credible research does not support what they said.

As many of our readers know, we have been researching successful marriages for over 25 years. We have interviewed hundreds of successfully married couples representing some 15,000 years of marital wisdom. We have learned a lot about what makes good marriages work.

Towards the end of our interview protocol we ask these wonderful couples if they could offer three pieces of advice that we could share with newlyweds. And guess what, the number one piece of advice they have given, and it is has been consistent over the years, is “Never go to bed mad at each other!”

Remember, this advice comes from happily married couples. The advice they give isn’t designed to shock the media with something unusual or out of the ordinary. These are the words of couples with a proven track record. Frankly, we got the impression when we watched the

Today Show that the purpose of referring to “Never go to bed mad at each other” as a myth was to get a spot on a highly watched morning television show! But the sad truth is, their message was a terrible message to send to newly married couples. Our fear – they just might listen to the advice they heard on TV and that would be a big mistake in our judgment.

From time to time you hear so-called experts throw out information as if it were scientific fact. People believe it as if it were gospel. The problem is, much of what you hear has no scientific or research base.The good news about the notion of “Never go to bed made at each other” – it is based on research from those who would know best – those who have been happily, blissfully, and successfully married for 30-60 years! The lessons learned from 15,000 years of successful marriage speaks for itself.

Married couples do, from time to time, have disagreements. They argue over big things and little things. They argue over stuff that doesn’t matter and stuff that does. But here is what we have learned from 25 years of research – successfully married couples rarely ever go to bed without resolving their differences on an issue, be it big or small. Many report to us that they have stayed up all night trying to bring closure to an issue that has divided them. They know that gaining resolution is far more important than getting a good night’s sleep. And remember this, issues that are not attended to more often than not fester through the night and only appear worse in the morning.

Do not be fooled by those who tell you that it is not important to resolve divisive issues before you go to bed. They are simply misguided and the advice they give can be hurtful to your relationship. Accept the advice of those who know – those whose marriages are happy and have stood the test of time.Love well!

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It!

by Relationship Rich

This old saying may apply to a lot of things, but it certainly doesn't apply to marriage. Waiting until something is broken -- especially a relationship -- can be disastrous, as many spouses have learned. Our experience in working with thousands of couples in our many years of marriage counseling and coaching has taught us that the silent killer in marriages today is something we call "coasting."

Coasting can take on several different appearances as we outline below, but the biggest threat to the relationship is that there is not a major event which requires the couple to work on something. Coasting is like a slow leak. You don't really notice it until the water droplets have saturated your carpet and floor boards over months or years. It is not until the floor gives way that you even notice the problem, and then there is major damage. Major damage in a marriage can be overcome, but it is sometimes harder to revive intimate feelings lost through coasting than it is for a couple dealing with the anger and mistrust caused by infidelity.

We want to help you be proactive; therefore, we have identified some signs and symptoms of coasting.

Growing apart: Slowly moving in separate directions
Living as roommates only
Living two separate lives
Having nothing in common
Having "lost that loving feeling"
Not really wanting to spend time with each other anymore
Focusing on the kids, not each other

Settling for routines: Color and excitement are low, routines too predictable
Doing nothing new or exciting
Boring each other to death
Being very busy with activities, with little or no quality time for each other
Having TV as the main entertainment
One mate feeling very lonely and unappreciated
Losing the passion and affection and\or intimacy
Settling for a dull, boring life
Tolerating the other's behavior - not wanting to rock the boat

Pretending to be happy: Avoiding what doesn’t work and pretending everything's OK
Putting on a happy face for family, friends and co-workers – no one knows what really goes on at home
Being very successful professionally, but miserable at home
Notknowing how to talk about feelings at a heart level – usually stuffing feelings
Avoiding conflict

Being a perfectionist: It's all about getting it right. Being afraid to look bad
Having to keep up with the Joneses
Being driven to achieve
Keeping busy so they don’t have to feel or deal with themselves or the real marital issues

If any of these apply to your relationship, then do something now. Research shows that fun is the number one ingredient in happy marriages; therefore, put the FUN back into your relationship. You might also want to get some professional help to rejuvenate the relationship quickly while learning new communication tools. There are lots and lots of options. The goal is to DO SOMETHING -- especially if "it ain't broke."

Love, Relationships and Keeping The Dialog Going (Even When It gets Tough)...

by Susie and Otto Collins
He's highly opinionated, provocative and some people would argue that "Dr. Phil, "the American psychologist and televisionpersonality, doesn't agree with very much of anything anyone else says but....

One thing's for sure-- after reading something he wrote in a national magazine, we certainly know that he agrees with us on thisrelationship issue and here's what it is..

Since we've been talking about the importance of no longer "talking on eggshells" in your relationships (especially your intimate relationship or marriage), we couldn't help but notice Dr. Phil's response to a reader'squestion about this communication issue.

Her question was about how to deal with her sister who makes comments that are objectionable to her.

The woman explained that the last time she had talked with her sister, she was so angry with her that she hung up on her.

In the "Oprah Magazine" article, Dr. Phil tells her to restart the conversation between them by apologizing for hanging up on her.

He then said that the only way to possibly influence her sister and one day get close to her again is to keep the lines of communication open rather than do things to close them.

He went on to say ... "You NEVER make progress (in a relationship) by stopping the dialog..."

Not only do we completely agree with him on this, but he is confirming everything we've been saying about the importance of communicating from the heart in an authentic way and not "talking on eggshells."

In a relationship, keeping the dialog open is the only way we've found to move toward understanding and deeper connection when there's conflict between two people.

It's so easy to say but not always easy to do.

What we have found is-- the minute you stop the dialog by withdrawing, getting angry, lashing out at the other person, or walking out, you end all possibility of reconnecting with that person unless one of you says or does something to open it back up.

While it's never possible to completely understandsomeone else's words, actions and motivations(because we don't look out at the world in thesame way), it is possible to understand enoughto keep your connection, love, friendship, intimacyor closeness.

Even if you can't agree with him or her, you canaccept and understand that this person is notyou and may have completely different internalguidance about whatever it is that has createdthe conflict between the two of you.

Take Otto and his 19 year old son...Otto disagrees with his son's plans for summer work.After worrying that his son was making a big mistake,Otto realized a few things. He realized that he wasn'tgoing to change his son's mind because Otto hadalready told him what he would do in the samesituation--and it's not what his son wants to do.

Otto also realized that it might not even be his job tochange his son's mind. Just because Otto thinks hehas the answer for the direction of his son's life, Ottocould be wrong. His son needs to follow his owninternal guidance instead of Otto's.

When Otto asked himself what he wanted most withhis son, the answer was to have a great relationshipand to continue to connect with him.

So, instead of holding on to his point of view and continuing to hammer home his viewpoint on this particular topic, Otto chose to try to understand why his son was making the choices that he wasmaking.

He decided to keep their connection strong and theircommunication open.Since we've been talking a lot about our new program"Stop Talking on Eggshells," you might be thinkingthat Otto is "talking on eggshells" with his son.

In our opinion, he isn't and here's why...Otto told his son about what he thought he should doabout this particular decision. Otto also realized thathe needed to try to understand why his son was makingthe choices he was making and that his son might beright.

Otto didn't agree with his son but kept the dialogopen between them by changing his thinking andletting go of having to be right. Otto allowed room for the connection between them to stay alive and well.

If Otto talked on eggshells with his son, he mighthave withdrawn from him or be fearful of saying what he thought about his son's choices.He didn't do those things. He kept his connectionwith his son foremost in his heart and his mind.

So, does the dialog stop with anyone in your lifeover certain topics or situations?If so and if this relationship is important to you,what ways might you be true to yourself andalso reopen the conversation and reconnectwith this person?

Connection, love, understanding and intimacydo not happen by accident. They all happenbecause we are open to it and we do thingsthat will create them.Take time today to deepen connections withthe important people in your life and allowyourself to open to continuing the dialogwith as much love as possible.

The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything

By Stephen M.R. Covey with Rebecca R. Merrill
Have you ever trusted someone -- and gotten "burned"? Have you ever failed to trust someone and missed significant opportunities as a result? The practical issues with regard to extending trust are these: How do you know when to trust somebody? And how can you extend trust to people in ways that create rich rewards without taking inordinate risk?

When you're dealing with trust, it seems there are two extremes. On one end of the spectrum, people don't trust enough. They're suspicious. They hold things close to the vest. Often, the only people they really trust are themselves. On the other end, people are too trusting. They're totally gullible. They believe anyone, trust everyone. They have a simplistic, naive view of the world, and they don't even really think (except superficially) about the need to protect their interests.

Extending trust can bring great results. It also creates the possibility of significant risk. The decision to trust or not to trust is always an issue of managing risk and return. So how do you hit the "sweet spot"? How do you extend trust in a way that maximizes the dividends and minimizes the risk?

Life is filled with risk. However, as noted historian and law professor Stephen Carter has observed: "Civility has two parts: generosity when it is costly, and trust, even when there is risk." The objective, then, is not to avoid risk. In the first place, you can't; and in the second place, you wouldn't want to because risk taking is an essential part of life and leadership. Instead, the objective is to manage risk wisely -- to extend trust in a way that will avoid the "taxes" and create the greatest "dividends" over time.

Learning how to extend what I call "Smart Trust" is a function of two factors -- your propensity to trust and your analysis. "Propensity to trust" is primarily a matter of the heart. It's the tendency, inclination, or predisposition to believe that people are worthy of trust and a desire to extend it to them freely. "Analysis" is primarily a matter of the mind. It's the ability to analyze, evaluate, theorize, consider implications and possibilities, and come up with logical decisions and solutions.

As you think about these two factors -- "propensity to trust" and "analysis" -- how would you rate yourself on each? Do you typically tend to trust people easily -- or do you tend to be suspicious and hold things close? Do you tend to analyze, theorize, and ponder over things -- or do you give problems your cursory attention and then move on?

While extending trust to other people always brings with it some risk, the often greater risk that's frequently ignored is what happens when managers don't extend trust to others. These managers usually incur much larger taxes than they think -- including bureaucracy, politics, disengagement, and turnover -- and they often lose the dividends that flow from extending trust, such as innovation, collaboration, partnering, and loyalty. Sadly, their suspicion sometimes even helps produce the very behaviors they fear, which further validates their suspicion. By treating people as if they can't be trusted, they help to create a collusive, downward cycle of distrust. And this is one reason why -- in this "flat world" global economy -- not trusting people is often the greatest risk of all.

With regard to "propensity to trust," I once knew a business owner who was so suspicious that his employees might be stealing from him, that he would literally interrogate them almost daily. He would even do occasional spot "frisk checks" when they left the office. This man was convinced that people were trying to steal from him. In reality, no one was, but his suspicious actions drove away his most talented people who wouldn't tolerate working in such a distrustful environment or for such a suspicious boss.

With regard to "analysis," it's helpful to consider three vital variables, which you can do by asking these questions:

1. What is the opportunity (the situation or task at hand)?

2. What is the risk involved? (Possible outcomes? Likelihood of outcomes? Importance of outcomes?)

3. What is the credibility (character and competence) of the people involved?

Smart Trust doesn't mean that you extend trust to everyone. Based on the circumstances, your judgment may be to not extend trust or to extend only a limited measure of trust. In extending trust, the general guideline is to extend trust conditionally to those who are earning it and abundantly to those who have already done so. Keep in mind that even when you extend trust abundantly, there should still always be clear expectations and accountability because those are principles that actually enhance trust.

I affirm that in our "flat world" economy, the ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust is the key professional and personal competency of our time. And the ability to exercise Smart Trust is a vital part of that competency. It will enable you to create a powerful balance and synergy between analysis and the propensity to trust, which, in turn, will produce the judgment that enables you to effectively leverage yourself and to inspire the talent, creativity, synergy, and highest contribution of others.

Love And Fairness

By Margaret Paul

"Love has nothing to do with fairness. Love is Love."
--Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough

"It's not fair!"

How often have you heard this from young or adolescent siblings?

I grew up as an only child, so I was never indoctrinated with the concept of fairness. Not growing up with it, I have at times been baffled when couples say the same thing, "It's not fair!"

"It's not fair that I have to work just like you do but I do most of the housework!"

"It's not fair that you are in control of when we make love!"

"It's not fair that I am the one who always has to get up at night with the kids!"

"It's not fair that you get to go on fishing trips with your friends and I always have to stay home with the kids!"

"It's not fair that I make all the money and you just spend it any way you want!"

Right. It's not fair. But so what? Why is fairness so important?

Fairness is a concept that the ego wounded part of us learned as we were growing up. Many people have brought the concept of fairness that they learned as siblings or later in the workplace, into their marriages. But it doesn't work in marriage.

When you make fairness more important than love, then you will be bickering about fairness and lose the love.

Is it fair that if one person doesn't want to make love, the other person doesn't get to have sex? If we look at this in terms of fairness, we lose the point completely. The real point is that if you love someone, you would not want them to make love if this not what they want. And, if you love someone, you might make love out of that love, even if you are not feeling sexual. If you look at it in terms of fairness, you will get stuck, but if you look at it in terms of love, you will find your way though.

Is it fair for one person to make the money and the other to spend it? Again, there is no way to resolve this conflict if looked at in terms of fairness. But if looked at in terms of love, one person might say, "I am better at earning money than my spouse, and he or she does other important things in our marriage."

If you get locked into what is fair in your conflicts, you will not be able to resolve them, because many things often don't seem fair. But if you are willing to let go of worrying about fairness and focus on what is loving to your and to your spouse, you will discover a resolution.

If you are very attached to fairness, you might want to examine why this is so important to you. What are you telling yourself about a lack of fairness that is upsetting to you? What does a lack of fairness mean to you? Are you telling yourself that you are a jerk if you end up doing more than the other person? If you are telling yourself something like this, then you will continue to be attached to trying to make everything fair.

But what if you were to look at things in terms of what is most kind to you and to your spouse? What if you balanced things, not in terms of fairness, but in terms of kindness - the balance between the kindness you give to yourself and the kindness you give to your partner? This is something you always have choice over, while you don't have choice over what your partner does or doesn’t do.

Next time you find yourself concerned with fairness, try focusing on kindness to yourself and your partner instead and see what happens!

Reformulate Your Workplace to Cure a Toxic Environment

By Don Bowlby

We hear a lot about the toxic workplace these days, and some of us can relate to the news. No one wants to work in an unhealthy environment. Poor morale and unnecessary stress are detrimental to employees and company alike. Caught in a downward spiral, the toxic workplace can feel like a pit of quicksand, pulling everyone down without hope of escape. Sometimes it seems there is no cure for the problem; personality conflicts and unavoidable stress cannot be resolved and people just have to accept the situation. A toxic workplace can be turned around, and a positive environment that energizes everyone involved can be created. The human brain is an amazing tool. It is capable of analyzing and manipulating its environment to suit its needs. By understanding how the brain works and capitalizing on its capacity to process and learn, you can effectively reprogram a negative situation for a positive outcome.

Step 1: Understand Brain Chemistry

Advances in neuroscience and psychology have led to fascinating findings about how the brain works. Thanks to MRI imaging technology, scientists have discovered that the part of the brain that responds to emotional pain is the same part that responds to physical pain. This means that, to the brain, emotional pain is just as detrimental as physical pain.

Scientists have also discovered that "fairness" is very important to the brain. A situation perceived as fair lights up the same part of the brain as seeing a loved one or tasting good food does. Situations perceived as unfair light up the part of the brain that feels disgust. Positive experiences lead to the production of serotonin, a chemical in the brain that can improve performance. Negative or painful experiences cause the secretion of cortisol, a chemical that has an adverse effect on memory, mood, and mental function. Unfairness also stimulates the amygdala. Long-term stimulation of the amygdala clouds judgment and reduces the brain's ability to function.

By creating an environment of fairness and discouraging belligerence, you not only make employees happier, you improve their brain chemistry. This leads to better performance and increased morale. It can even improve learning and retention, since the same mechanisms that help the brain function help it retain information. This can be done by giving genuine praise to employees and providing positive recognition. Take steps to ensure fairness and implement policies and practices that employees can rely upon to provide evenhandedness.

Step 2: Improve Brain Chemistry

Prolonged stress will literally shrink your brain. Stress leads to cortisol, and cortisol shrinks the hippocampus, the part of your brain that stores memory. It can also depress your mood, suppress your immune system, and shorten your life span. While some stress is unavoidable, steps can be taken to minimize the effects of stress on the brain.

Exercise improves the flow of oxygen to your brain and reduces stress. Even as little as ten minutes of vigorous exercise can improve brain function. Aerobic activities that focus on increasing blood flow to the brain will promote calm.

Another way to reduce the effect of stress on the brain is to provide clear information. Uncertainty in the brain leads to fear and adrenaline overload. This reduces functioning and decision-making capabilities. Providing people with the most information possible, even in a negative situation, can reduce uncertainty. For example, according to David Rock, founder and chief executive officer of Results Coaching Systems, "If layoffs are coming and you say to a team, 'We don't know when we will have information,' you will drive people crazy. However, if you say, 'We don't have information on the layoffs, but we will in four weeks,' logically, you haven't said who will be laid off, but you have given the brain a higher amount of certainty."

Step 3: Reprogram the Brain and Get It Involved

Behavior is learned. Every time you do something, you make new connections in the brain related to that task, and eventually you get better at it. This applies to both positive and negative behavior. Many people feel the need to vent, believing that it is better to get the negativity out of their system. But, as far as the brain is concerned, venting can actually have the opposite of the desired effect. The more you vent, the more you train your brain to vent. You train your brain to focus on negativity instead of focusing on problem solving, and you spread conflict to those around you. You even increase your need to vent, meaning that you get angrier quicker when you are stressed.

Instead of training the brain to vent, the brain can be trained to resolve problems positively. Asking someone who complains about a problem to present a solution and working with him or her to solve the problem will begin reprogramming the brain to stop the negative cycle. Recognizing the contributions of problem solvers will stimulate their reward centers and encourage conflict resolution among others.

The brain likes to be in control. The more control the brain feels over its environment, the safer it feels and the better it performs. The more people can be involved in the decision making processes that affect their lives, the better they will function. The perception that they have control over a changing situation helps people accept the change and invest in the process. Decision-making stimulates brain growth and helps program the brain to move toward the desired outcome. Whenever a meeting can be made into an interactive activity, instead of a lecture, employees will retain more of the information presented and be more involved in implementing the change. Two-way communication is important. Instead of simply telling someone they need to improve sales, discuss how to improve sales and encourage their brains to focus on the solution.

By focusing on positive brain function, you can stop playing chemical roulette with a toxic workplace and create an atmosphere of respect and fairness where both the company and employees can thrive.

Moving Beyond Limitation: How To Use The Creative Mind

By Debra Berndt

Relationships and Our Minds
Everything in the universe is created by one original substance. This formless substance or energy is neutral. It is the thought applied upon this substance that creates the thing that is imagined by the thought. Since you are thinking source, you can create anything you desire. There is an unlimited storehouse of love and abundance that this substance provides. Many of those who struggle with relationships tend to apply negative thoughts about love into this energy and ultimately create more loneliness, lack and fear of losing the one we adore. You can attract true love by changing your thoughts and working with this amazing formless substance that creates all. This formless creative substance is referred to as God, universal energy, life force and other names that may fit with your personal belief system.

Limited v. Creative Mind
We tend to look at our life in two ways. One way is to see things as they are and believe we have no power to change them. We have a strong habit of looking at our current situation, making decisions about them based on past circumstances and recreate the situation over and over again. This is working with your limited mind or habitual way of thinking. This type of thinking leads to competition, fear, scarcity and grasping in relation to love and relationships.

The other way to look at life is to see beyond how things are and believe in the possibility of what they can become. The truth is that there is an unlimited source of love in the world. When you think of everything around you as becoming or in possibilities of growth and expansion, you are using the creative mind. This creative mind tends to push beyond perceived limitations and create opportunities and loving relationships.

In order to use the creative mind more effectively, you need to change the limited beliefs in your conditioned mind. By changing your inner beliefs and shifting the habits of thinking to possibilities, openness and endless opportunities, you can attract the partner of your dreams.

Power of the Mind
Most people do not realize that their entire life is run by their conditioned mind. You think almost the same thoughts every single day that keeps you stuck in your limited way of being. The conditioned mind is the pattern of thought you bring from the past. Your mind tends to be consistent with your beliefs and emotional responses to external stimulation. It is the source of the habit of thinking that either drives or repels love.

Your mind gathered information about your self-worth and lovability throughout your life, especially in childhood when you took things literally and made up ideas about yourself from the mind of a child. Those old ideas are still operating in your inner mind and become the foundation of almost all of your belief systems. This process begins at conception, through all nine months of pregnancy, birth experience and all childhood experiences. You have evidence of these deep beliefs as you go through life, but sometimes are not aware of them. You sometimes feel like you are “acting like a child” because your conditioned mind is running your actions, reactions and interpretations of issues that arise. Most of dating and relationship issues were created because of ideas you learned about love, family, gender roles and marriage in your childhood from your parents, friends and teachers.

If you want something and it is not showing up in your life, your conditioned mind is not in agreement with receiving it. For example, if you want a loving partnership and you consistently seem to struggle in dating or have “bad luck” with men or women, you probably have beliefs that are not in alignment with love. It is important to understand that conditioned mind isn’t logical but has an amazing power over your life. Everyone and everything in your life is a mirror of your mind and this hard-wired pattern of thinking can be changed if you follow the Creative Mind Method.

Shifting to a New Experience of Love
There are many ways to shift from old limited patterns of being to expand into the creative mind of love.

1. Uncover false beliefs operating in your unconscious mind. A great exercise is to write down one or more of these stem sentence and finish it over and over to get all the junk out on paper:
“The reason I don’t have a healthy relationship is because….” -or
“If I had a happy relationship, I would….”

2. Flood your mind with new ideas about love and relationships. Self-hypnosis is the best way to change your limited mind. Did you know that it takes 1,000 affirmations to match the power of just one suggestion in hypnosis? That is because in the alpha state you are more able to accept new positive statements about yourself. Hypnosis creates immediate results!

3. Instead of focusing exclusively on your external appearance, shift your energy to watching your thoughts and speech. With every action you take, do it in a way that is in alignment with your will for true love.

4. Practice meditation and learn to quiet your mind to be present in the moment. (This step will help you master step number 3).

5. Don’t think in terms of competition or lack – there is plenty of love to go around. The perfect partner for you is out there. If someone you love turns to another, know that the void will be replaced with someone truly right for you.

6. Do not get discouraged no matter how long it takes for your love to arrive in your life. Be patient and let go. Keep holding the vision of your dream for a happy relationship regardless of external conditions.

Don't Wait For Perfection!

by Caroline Jalango

Hello Unstoppable Woman,

Are you waiting for perfection?

Perfection is an illusion. If you have to wait for the perfect time to begin working on your goals…you will wait a long time!

• What is your heart aching to do?
• What is the pending dream/goal you yearn to fulfill?
• Who is the man/woman you want to become?

What are you waiting for?

Are you waiting to begin your pursuit of these wonderful things tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Are you waiting for certain events to occur before you can move forward with confidence?
If you are…wait no more because perfection is an illusion. It is completion that matters and ultimately brings satisfaction.

Think about it for a moment…

Your feelings of fear and vulnerability may never go away...
You may never have all the money, time, or knowledge you desire to begin working on your goals…
The person whose approval you need may not give it to you...
Your critics and naysayer’s will always be around to say what they have to say...
You may never get to meet the person who has the power to “open doors” for you…
You may never get to work in the right environment or with the right people…
You may get passed over for the promotion you were counting on…
The struggle to achieve what you want may not cease as quickly as you want...
Many questions about what you want may remain unanswered...
And even if you wanted, you may not have all your ducks lined up in a row!

All you may have is a burning desire to achieve a worthwhile dream or goal and a huge, "I can’t do this right now because I am waiting for perfection” sticker over it!

Consider this for a moment...
If you were to wait for perfection, what would happen to your dreams and goals? What would happen to your life? What would happen to the changes you seek and the progress you want to make? What would happen to your relationships? What would happen to your health?

The conditions to act on your dreams might not be as perfect as you desire…but that shouldn’t stop you from taking risks, learning, improving, growing, and working to achieve your target…even if it means one step at a time!

This is the perfect moment you have been waiting for! You are alive, excited, searching and desiring to make immediate changes in your life and you can!

To fulfill your dream, start somewhere and start today!
Write that book, start that business, accept that job offer, change your career, go back to school, join that social network, make that important phone call, start exercising, take that vacation, pay up that debt, make someone else’s life easier...do something.

Don’t wait for perfection. Seek Completion.

Are Solitude And Loneliness Different?

By Dr. Jackie Black

Have you ever wanted some time alone?

The notions of solitude, loneliness and being alone are often confusing or misunderstood, especially by committed partners.

One way to look at this is to say that solitude is the joy of being alone while loneliness is the pain of being alone. Being alone is not necessarily to be lonely.

Being alone involves only physical separation. Being lonely includes spiritual and psychological separation, or isolation.

According to author Richard J. Foster, “solitude is an inner fulfillment, while loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is a voluntary retreat from the company of other people and loneliness seems beyond our control.”

Theologian and philosopher Paul Tillich writes, “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.”

Solitude is the ability to enjoy inward quietness. Times of solitude are frequently enriching and refreshing if we use them wisely. When we choose times of limited seclusion we often experience new perspectives that help us know more fully the things that really matter. Solitude is the prerequisite for creativity and the place in which we can discover the treasure chest of tranquility and serenity and all their benefits.

The fact of the matter is that the state of “aloneness” is the same whether we are suffering loneliness or enjoying solitude. The only difference is in our attitude toward ourselves.

In solitude we enjoy spending time alone, because we know that we are in the best company there is! In loneliness we believe we are alone because nobody wants to be with us.

Loneliness is not simply a matter of being alone, but rather the feeling that no one really cares what happens to you. It is the painful awareness that you lack close and meaningful contact with others, which produces feelings of being cut off from them.

According to Mother Teresa, "The biggest disease is not leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted - of being deserted and alone."

So next time you want time alone or you hear someone ask for time alone, stop and remind yourself that this is a precious gift we give to ourselves and to other people.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

U-Turns, Reverses and Opening to new possibilities

by Susie and Otto Collins


Have you ever been in a situation where communication did not go as you wanted it to go and you wished you could do a U-turn and reverse what you've said, done or thought? We certainly have.

Here's a typical situation that comes up for many of us where it might be wise to do a "reverse" and do things differently to create a different outcome for you, your partner and your relationship...

Imagine that your partner, spouse or someone you love does something unexpected, not what you thought you agreed on, and when you get angry about it, the other person becomes defensive, lashes out at you or withdraws. You get no where talking to each other, let alone understanding each other.

This is a common communication problem for couples (or any people who live or work together) and we're betting that you've experienced something like this and would like to know how to resolve it.

What we're calling a "Relationship Reverse" can help you to create a different and better outcome.

Here's Elizabeth's story about how she learned and applied a "Relationship Reverse," creating more room for love and connection in her marriage...

At the last minute, Elizabeth's husband stayed at work for a meeting and didn't tell her about it. She had been at work all day and had expected that the two of them would go out to dinner together. When she got home, he wasn't there--and he didn't come home for another two hours.

Elizabeth was furious and although he didn't do it often, it certainly wasn't the first time this had happened!

In the past, when he didn't call her and let her know when he was going to be late, she literally pounced on him as soon as he stepped in the door.

She would let him know that she was angry and as a result, he immediately became defensive and shut down to her as he walked into his study, slamming the door. When this would happen, It would take them several days to iron out their differences and feel close again.

Since she was tired of doing the same dance over and over, Elizabeth decided to do it differently. She did a "Relationship Reverse."

Okay, she was angry but instead of stewing in her anger while she waited for her husband to get home, mulling over in her mind how unfair his behavior was, she took the time to sit with her anger, breathing into it, to discover what was underneath it.

As she sat with her anger, the thought came up that she feared that she wasn't as important to her husband as he was to her. She didn't feel respected.

Underneath her anger was the fear that he might be losing interest in her and in their marriage. She knew that that thought was untrue because he was loving and attentive in a lot of other ways but the fear crept into her conscious thoughts anyway.

As Elizabeth started focusing on ways that her husband showed his love to her, she noticed that her fear and anger began to soften. She also began focusing on what she wanted--which was for him to call her when he was going to be late and also for the two of them to keep their connection strong.

When her husband came home that evening, he was met with a very different Elizabeth. She was open to him--and she wasn't yelling at him.

Because he didn't go into "defensive" mode, he told her he was sorry that he hadn't told her about the meeting that came up at the last minute.

Elizabeth listened and told him about her fears--that she felt she wasn't important to him when he failed to let her know about a change in plans.

He was shocked that she felt that way and reassured her that she and their marriage were most important to him. He hadn't realized what his lack of communication said to her--and it wasn't what he wanted in the future.

Elizabeth then told him what she wanted--that she would have loved to have known about this meeting earlier-- maybe a phone call or text message. She asked him if he would let her know the next time it happened that he would be late.

Because he saw how important this was to her and to the health of their marriage, he agreed and told her again how important she was to him.

This interaction was completely different from any previous to this. Elizabeth could say what she needed to say and her husband stayed open to her and understood her because he wasn't shut down. They could stay connected and work out a problem without the normal anguish between them.

How about you?

What shift, change or "reverse" could you make in order to set the stage to be heard, understood and create more connection between the two of you, instead of distance?

If you can relate to Elizabeth or even to her husband, create your own "Relationship Reverse" strategy and see how your relationship changes for the better!

FAQs on Assertiveness/Confrontation

By Hal Warfield

1. Why do I have so much trouble confronting people?

Oh, get over it. No, I'm just kidding. While we seem to return to temperament over and over again, it is true that outgoing Cholerics (see FAQs on Temperament and Personality) and critical Melancholies find it easier to confront than introverted Phlegmatics. Culture plays a large part in this too - in the easygoing south it may be more difficult to confront than in the Northeast. But in this we must be careful of stereotyping. This is true with gender as well - it may seem easier to confront if you are a man; the stereotype is that women are raised not to confront. Whatever the reason, confrontation is neither always easy nor comfortable.

2. What is the difference between confrontation and assertion?

Assertion is often defined as defending one's rights. However getting a clear picture of what are rights are can be difficult. When can I say "this far and no farther"? The assertiveness 'movement' gave rise in the 90s to teaching about boundaries. While dated, the book "When I say NO, I feel guilty" has good definitions of rights and some tools for asserting yourself. The whole "Boundaries" series of books can help an individual define where they must "draw the line".

Confrontation on the other hand is often thought of being in someone's face. Assertiveness often considers the feelings of the other while confrontation doesn't care about whose feelings are hurt.

3. When is confrontation really necessary?

Confrontation may never become an issue with you if you are able to "let things slide". The easygoing Phlegmatic temperament type most often puts up with the negative behavior of others without feeling the need to confront. Confrontation becomes necessary when you believe that your rights or your safety or your self-respect are being trampled under foot.

Confrontation can be thought of as "the last resort" when you've tried everything else you can think of and still feel you are being wronged.

4. Confrontation always leads to anger with me. How can I confront without becoming angry?

Confrontation almost always has a strong emotional element included. If you feel you've been mistreated and wronged, anger is bound to be a part of your reaction. And, in truth, anger may be appropriate if you feel confrontation is the only answer. The trick is to confront - that is to lay out your demands and the consequences - without letting anger control you. Use the anger to give energy to your approach. Remember that confrontation may be your "last resort" before ending a relationship, a job, or a friendship.

5. I don't really care if I upset the other person. Why should I be concerned about other's feelings?

If you take a couple of temperament tests you may find you are a choleric. Choleric's are hard driving, straightforward individuals who don't really care much about other's feelings. You may have grown up in an environment or culture where being bluntly honest was valued over the feelings of others. While you may not be concerned with another's feelings, it still makes sense to avoid alienating people if possible - and this involves taking feelings into account.

6. What is the best way to confront?

NOT when you're out of control or extremely angry. NOT on the spur of the moment. A confrontation should be thought through and planned. What are the consequences? Will I lose a job? A friend? Will I put myself in danger?

Planning to confront means writing down your thoughts and feelings. It also has a "consequences" section. In other words, you confront and offer consequences. If you don't stop this behavior then I'll be forced to (fill in the blank).

Be SURE you're not bluffing when you offer consequences and be sure you think through the possible outcomes before you confront someone.

If you have a situation you'd like a "second opinion" on, write me at the email address below.




Author's Bio

Hal Warfield is a teacher, writer, and business development specialist. Read his Personal Development posts at www.halwarfield.com. Read articles on Temperament & Personality at www.introvert.cc. Got a question? Write Hal at warfieldh@gmail.com.