One Moment listen

by Bill Gates

The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co - Operation
Then you will make things Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise Caution
And you may have to take Medication
Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by Discussion
This will work out better in your Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension

Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First

by Nancy J.

It’s important for you to take care of yourself before you try to fix your relationship. The old saying ‘You can’t give away what you don’t have” applies here. Until you are peaceful and happy, you won’t have a peaceful, happy relationship.If you skip these steps and jump immediately into the murky waters of your troubled relationship, you are at high risk for going under. That’s why it’s so important to do all you can to stabilize yourself before you get in over your head.

Before you confront core relationship issues, first follow these two steps to increase your chances of success:

1. Commit to being okay no matter what happens.

Make yourself a promise that you’re going to take good care of yourself and be okay no matter what happens in your relationship. If your happiness absolutely depends on your partner being a part of your life, then you’ll feel fearful and powerless. As a result, you’ll be more likely to engage in ineffective behaviors such as begging and pleading. The more this happens, the less your partner is to want to stay in the relationship. Why is this?

One reason is that you will be perceived as emotionally needy and dependent. Whatever someone else does for you will never be enough because you’ll always want more from that person—more time, more love, more concern, more of everything. Your partner can sense this and will be afraid of being consumed by your never-ending demands for attention and care.

Another reason is that it’s too heavy of a burden to feel totally responsible for another person’s happiness. Most people want to run the other way when that’s the case. A partner who does try to be everything to the other person will eventually feel resentment and anger at being put in such a demanding position. And any sense of playfulness and fun, which is so vital to an enduring relationship, will be snuffed out.

By showing respect for yourself and belief in your ability to thrive whether in a relationship or not, you’ll be coming from a place of empowerment and strength. These attributes attract others and engender respect, making you a more desirable partner.

2. Commit to putting more fun in your life even when you’re feeling miserable.

Don’t wait until your relationship is perfect to plan fun activities for yourself. Sign up for a community class to learn about kayaking, gourmet cooking, or drumming. Make a list of places in your town or a nearby one that you’d like to visit. Branch out, learn new skills, and broaden your world.

When you’re active and having fun, you’ll be happier. An extra benefit will be that you’ll also appear more attractive to your partner. Individuals who are happy have a natural sex appeal that makes them desirable and draws others to them. When you’re living life with gusto and a sense of adventure, irregardless of the state of your relationship, your partner is more likely to want to spend time with you.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to wait and see what happens in your relationship before you take steps to create a more satisfying life. After all, would you rather spend time with someone who is miserable and unhappy or with someone who is doing interesting, fun things and enjoying life? Enthusiasm and a sense of fun are powerful aphrodisiacs that attract others like a magnet.

The more centered, balanced, and happy you are, the more you increase the odds that you’ll be able to create a happy, healthy relationship.

A Guide to Gift Giving and Receiving

By Susie and Otto Collins

Since we are approaching the holiday season,we thought that a little gift giving and receivingadvice might be helpful.Whether you're in a committed love relationshipor not--Gift giving can be fun but it can also open upa can of "relationship worms" that areuncomfortable to deal with.

Have you ever given a loved one a gift andended up feeling lousy either about what yougave or how you think it was received?Have you ever received a gift from your partneror anyone else that you just didn't know what todo with? You wanted to be gracious andappreciative, but you also don't want to flatout lie.Contrary to what you might see on television ads,the potential pitfalls of gift giving and receiving incan be huge, especially in a love relationship.

Some couples end up choosing not to exchangegifts, in part, because of the many confusingmessages and signs that can accompany gifts.But it's not the gifts that are causing the problemshere.No, it's the baggage that's already present withineach person in the relationship and between thetwo people that can stand in the way of a trulyconnecting giving and receiving experience.Perhaps you feel lack when it comes to money inyour life. You would like to buy that stunningdiamond you've seen in the jewelry store forbut can't begin to come up with that kind of cash.Or maybe you think that your partner or your lovedone spends too much money on you and you don'tfeel like you can reciprocate in the same way dueeither to concerns about your budget or becauseyou just don't feel worthy of the expenditure.Or maybe you just fear that you can't please himor her and don't want to even try.

Whether it's financial fears, self-esteem issues, orother reasons, your limiting beliefs, assumptionsand perceptions can prevent you and your loveones from enjoying the exchange of gifts.Are we saying that you have to shower your partneror any other loved one with expensive materialitems in order to have a great relationship?Absolutely not!When we talk about giving and receiving gifts, wearen't just referring to the packages you unwrap onbirthdays, holidays or other special occasions.

For us, we decided when we were first together thatwe would not "buy" gifts for one another on specialoccasions but rather plan special events that wewould both find fun and would bring us closer--some not costing anything like a private "spa"night for just the two of us.While you may not make that agreement with yourloved ones, we are suggesting that you broadenyour thinking about giving and receiving.It might include helping out your aging parents orhaving lunch with a sibling or a friend who's havingproblems--or even making a phone call to someonewho's been on your mind.It might include the back rubs you give your mateor the way you let him or her sleep in while you getup with the kids on Saturday morning-- that goingthe extra step to demonstrate your love to yourpartner in a unique way.

Noah always feels his shoulders tighten aroundthe holidays. He wants so much to wow his long-timegirlfriend Emma with a fabulous gift but doesn't feellike he ever gets it right.Noah feels constrained by what he can spend andalso in figuring out what Emma would like. One year,out of desperation, when he asked her for giftsuggestions, she was no help at all as sherecommended that he not buy her anything.

For her part, Emma didn't want Noah to spend anymoney on her and would rather skip the entireseason. She didn't mind buying for him, but oftenfelt guilty when Noah spent money on her.Do any of these dynamics sound familiar?There can be a lot of miscommunication in arelationship around the exchange of gifts. If acouple allows their limited beliefs and assumptionsto dictate the giving and receiving of gifts, there issure to be disappointment and hurt feelings.But through clear communication-- both withinyourself and with your partner-- gifts can be apart of more passionately and deeply connectingin your love relationship, as well as otherrelationships that are important to you.

Whatever you give, give freely and with love.Yes, we absolutely advise you to be aware ofyour financial means at this moment and notpurchase a gift that you'll be paying off foryears to come.That diamond might look stunning (andprobably is) but there are plenty of othergifts you could choose that can be just aspleasing for you to give and your partnerto receive.If you are wiped out after a long day atwork and you go ahead and give yourmate a foot rub because you feel likeyou "have to," that resentful energy willcome through in your gift.As you choose a gift for your partner, askyourself if you can give this gift freely andwith love.

Do you feel excited about what you'vechosen to give? If there are doubts orqualms within you about giving this gift,then pause and look more closely at what'scoming up emotionally for you.Noah just about broke into a cold sweatwhen he walked into a shopping mall withthe mission of buying a gift for Emma.He didn't want to add to his credit carddebt and end up giving her something shewon't like. Recognizing the barrage of fearswithin himself, Noah left the mall and wentto a nearby park to just sit and sort through hisfeelings.

When Noah acknowledged how he wasfeeling, it's easier to shift his focus to whathe wants-- which is to give Emma a physicalshow of his love.As he reminded himself of the many ways heconsistently demonstrated his love to Emma, hefelt less pressure to try to contain all of his lovein one material item (because, after all, thatwould be impossible).With this new sense of ease, Noah cames upwith a gift idea that he believed Emma will reallyappreciate and that fits his budget.Whatever you receive, receive openly and withlove.Noah instantly thought about how much Emmaused to love a particular brand of perfume. Whenhe smelled that scent, it still reminded him of theirfirst date.When he remembered Emma commenting that sheonly wore the perfume on special occasions nowbecause she doesn't want to spend money onmore, he felt confident in his decision to give her abottle of this perfume.

Now it's up to Emma to receive this given-from-the-heart gift with an sense of openness and love.If she allowed her fears about money and concernsabout Noah's checkbook to rule her mind, she willclose herself to the care and love that's behind thegift.But if she can allow herself to receive with a senseof openness and appreciation, the effects of theexchange can be long-lasting and expand beyondperfume in a bottle.You don't have to lie and claim that you adore agift that is just not the right fit for you. Shift yourfocus to your partner's show of care and thisattempted demonstration of his or her love.

You can ask for the receipt to return the gift laterif you choose to, but for now, soak in all of thegood feelings that went into the giving of thisgift.Allow yourself to bask in the glow of the loveyou two share.Whether you are giving or receiving gifts withyour partner or another loved one, be sure youare present along the way.When purchasing or coming up with a gift idea,keep forefront in your mind the passion andexcitement of your connection.Stay present in the moment when you exchangegifts as well. It is here in this moment that youcan fully celebrate the love you share.Begin your practice of consciously giving andreceiving right now and see how much loveexpands in your life.

Learning to Set Your Personal Boundaries

By Kim Illig

As an intuitive counselor, I help men and women gain a deeper understanding of their emotions, dreams, and goals. Together, my clients and I create opportunities for self-discovery that allow them to open doors to create the lives they want. One obstacle to living authentically that I see very often is people having soft personal boundaries. Boundaries are limits we consciously or unconsciously put in place to take good care of ourselves. By using the term “soft-boundaries,” I refer to people feeling that they do not have a choice. When we feel we are without choice we find ourselves doing things we don’t want to or things we think we should or must do. Soft-boundaries occur when we act one way, but feel a completely different way and do it because we feel we “have to.” It can be as simple as saying you will call someone when you don’t want to, or hosting a big event because you feel it is the “right” thing to do.

Managing personal boundaries is not a task for the weak-hearted! But the rewards of doing it are exponential. I am exploring how well I manage my own boundaries with my aging mother who is moving from an independent lifestyle to assisted living. At this time in her life, my mother lives far away but wants my participation in her daily decisions. Our conversations bring up a strong feeling that I should drop everything to go help her. However, if I become the “dutiful daughter” and leave my home, my husband, my dogs, and my intuitive counseling practice to take care of her and her life I, in turn, let go of taking care of my own life. This is where the setting of boundaries is essential. Although I have been practicing personal empowerment for years, I can still slip back into the attitude I was socialized with. If someone says, “Help me!” it is easy for me to jump in and say, “Here I am, I will help you in any way you need!” -- especially when it happens to be my mother. Yet, because I have been studying personal boundary management for thirty years, I understand that jumping in and taking care of my mother will cause more havoc than it will provide the nurturing my mother needs at this major transitional time in her life.

There is a part of me that would love to take care of my mother and let go of being conscious and responsible for my personal boundaries because it is hard to hear her fear and uncertainty about her changing life. Yet, I believe that by not dropping everything to go to her aid, I provide her with the opportunity to take care of herself while reminding both of us that she is still fully capable of making her own decisions. Along with that, I respect myself by remembering that my priority is my life and it is worthy of my nurturance. If my mother and I act consciously, we can have a conversation about both of our wants that will end up with a “win/win” situation.

Ideally, boundaries are limits that one sets intentionally which then allow for the healthy receiving of input from others. Boundaries define the parts of our life experiences or our relationships that we are willing or are not willing to participate in. Notice that I am saying “ideally”. Our everyday management of life includes many opportunities for our boundaries to be unconsciously set or to be set inappropriately. This can result in participating in situations and relationships that leave us feeling drained, resentful and unsatisfied with the way we are living our lives.

Some tools I share with my clients in regards to creating solid personal boundaries are:

1. Notice your reactions and emotional responses. Reactions of anger, annoyance or frustration are indications of a boundary breach. Often anger, annoyance or frustration results from people allowing themselves to do something they have agreed with themselves not to do. For example: Have you ever experienced yourself saying, “I won’t do that again,” and then find yourself doing it again? That is a very common boundary breach, which may result in feelings of anger towards others or feeling overwhelmed.

2. If you hear yourself say, “I have no choice,” that is also an indication of a loose boundary. Remember -- we always have choice. This can be a hard thing for some people to accept, but by setting good boundaries and cultivating compassion for yourself, you can effectively deal with whatever situation presents itself.

3. One of the most powerful tips I offer clients is the use of “I” statements. A boundary breach occurs when we blame someone else for what our experience is. Assertions like, “You made me feel angry,” or “He made me feel sad,” are examples of how using blame results in soft boundaries. Instead, share thoughts or feelings from your perspective, “I feel angry when you say that,” or “I feel sad when he did that.” The “I” statement is a powerful tool for maintaining and declaring an authentic personal boundary, which in turn helps you remain present and conscious about your reactions.

Setting and maintaining authentic boundaries is not for the timid. This type of personal work requires intention – to live a life of integrity and to make yourself a priority. Through consciously setting boundaries, you will find that you live the life you choose, not one filled only with things you feel you must or should do. This process requires the courage to face your edge, but helps you live a healthier, happier life of integrity and meaning.

Love Heals

By Dr. Rebbie Straubing

Love’s ointment works on bruised knees as well as broken dreams. Love has the power to heal all conditions of the body and mind. Love’s glow melts its seeming opponents into pure light. Where love is, all is well.

Love is at the center of every miraculous healing. It lifts the spirit of the bereaved. It penetrates the darkest hallway to reveal the next step. There is no loss, pain, or betrayal that love cannot illuminate. There is no sadness that love cannot soothe.

Always Enough

Sometimes it seems that love is the problem. It can appear that love caused the pain. People we love reject us, or they die, or they become so important to us that we encounter endless types of hurt. It seems that love is scarce and can be taken away at the whim of the beloved. This illusion of the scarcity of love comes closer to describing the cause of the pain. It is the sense of lack that hurts, not the love. The lack is an illusion.

There is always enough love. It is behind every great creation. Love is the canvas that holds up the paint. Love is the page that hosts the words. Love is the day you live into. It is every background, hidden behind every story, colored by every circumstance. Underneath every experience there is a field of love upon which that moment was built. There is always enough love. We simply must find it.

Finding Love

Finding love is different from finding your keys or your eyeglasses when they disappear. And yet, we tend to think of it in the same way. We think love is hiding somewhere. We left it with that person or in that old town or in that dear friend. We tend to think love is located in the person we love and when we lose that person we have lost love. Love is very different from that. Love lives in every moment in every particle of existence. Finding love is more like looking through the paint to the canvas, looking through the situation to the essence.

Try This

Here is an exercise for accessing love regardless of conditions. In order to reap the full benefit from this exercise, first take a moment to look around you at the condition of your life. Notice what kind of presence love occupies in your awareness. Take a neutral glance at your entire situation as if through a wide-angle lens. Without judging or defending, free from praise or blame, simply appreciate the contrasting landscape of your incarnation.

Once you have perused your lifescape, close your eyes and gently settle your awareness on your heart center right in the middle of your chest. Allow your breathing to become soft and relaxed. With each breath imagine your heart center infused with the gentle presence of love. Imagine this love soothing all hurts, filling all spaces of loss, and brightening all gloom. As the light of love becomes more established in you, realize that this love is always there. It is intrinsic to your nature. It is native to your being. You don’t have to put it there or develop it. It is the canvas of your life. Love is what you are made of.

Expand your awareness to include your whole body and an egg-shaped energy field all around you. Let love’s quiet presence ease into your awareness, permeating your entire field. With each gentle breath, allow yourself to become so soft and peaceful that the love that resides within you can shine through your situation and your thoughts, through your pains and your losses. Become so quiet that you can sense the slightest presence of this beautiful love as it glows through your physical body.

You may want to regularly spend some time revealing the love that you are in this type of meditative process. The benefits of this practice may surprise you. Love heals a scraped elbow as well as a broken heart. And it does something more. It attracts more love.

Motivation for for Self Improvement

by: Success Inspired

Why do we do the things we do? Human beings are strange. we need a jolt before we start to want to climb uphill on the ladder of self improvement.

Pain may sometimes be the reason why people change. Getting flunked grades make us realize that we need to study.

Debts remind us of our inability to look for a source of income.

Being humiliated gives us the 'push' to speak up and fight for ourselves to save our face from the next embarrassments.

It may be a bitter experience, a friend's tragic story, a great movie, or an inspiring book that will help us get up and get just the right amount of motivation we need in order to improve ourselves.

With the countless negativities the world brings about, how do we keep motivated? Here are some tips on keeping yourself motivated from A to Z…

A - Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

B - Believe in your self, and in what you can do.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D – Don't give up and don't give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don't need money. Dance as if nobody's watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you'll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F – Family and Friends – are life's greatest 'F' treasures. Don't loose sight of them.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don't let other people to get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement.
L – Learn to love your self. Now isn't that easy?

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N – Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be.

P – Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn't raining when Noah build the ark.

S – Stop procrastinating.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X – X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on "extras" on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you're just going to spend it once.

Z – Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

Five Love Tips to Save a Rich Partner, Poor Partner Relationship

By Dr Diana Kirschner

In some couples the partners have very different finances because one comes from a wealthy family and/or earns much more than the other. They may also have differences in their understanding of finance, budgets, cash flow, or the importance of saving, investing and planning for the future. Plus they usually have deeper issues and anxieties about the symbolic meaning of money. These dynamics can cause conflict and unhappiness. In fact, if these differences are not handled and resolved they can lead to ongoing money battles and even destroy the relationship.
Here are five tips on how to break through the differences and come together as a loving team:

Tips

1. Recognize that money has a symbolic meaning.
Money means different things to each of you. It may represent issues of trust, personal and family security, power, freedom or pleasure. If you battle about money and don’t discover what the real concerns are, you and your partner will just keep fighting the same battle over and over again.

2. Discover the issues underlying conflicts about money.
Take turns interviewing each other like a reporter would. Ask your partner about personal needs, wishes, fears and long-term goals. Don’t make any comments, just ask questions and take notes. As you are being interviewed, don’t hold back, speak your truths and dream big.

3. Look for common goals and a shared vision of the future.
Review each other’s lists and look for the commonalities both in terms of fears and long-term goals. You will be surprised at the similarities. No matter how much wealth you have now, you both may be afraid of losing your lifestyle or being cut-off from the family’s wealth and ending up poor. On the other hand, both of you may want a life filled with children or travel and art but are unable to figure out how to create that future. To manifest this vision brainstorm together as a team.

4. Consider a win-win pre- or post-nuptial agreement.
This contract is designed to handle anxieties and fears. It gives assurance to the less-moneyed spouse that his/her needs will be met in the event of divorce or death. A financial agreement calms the fears of the richer partner because he/she will then not be exploited financially in the event of a bitter separation or divorce.


5. Create and agree on a long-term financial plan.
The long-term financial plan will get you to the future vision you both want to create. Many couples need to create a shared budget with his, hers and shared money to help fulfill these personal and common goals. Even if there is no need for the less-moneyed partner to have an income, it is very important for that person to have his/her own bank account and/or a fulfilling activity or career. These steps lead to greater self-esteem and reduce the power imbalance in the couple. For example, the less well-off partner may want to work for a low paying non-profit that is spiritually gratifying, while the other spouse enjoys working as an investment banker or in the family business and supports their lifestyle together.